no time for regrets

this is a sad story,

this little poor child, told her mother: "Mom, I painted the sheets with lipstick, " outraged mother struck the child unconscious.

Then she apologized for what she had done and asked the child's eyes opened, but it was too late. Her little heart had stopped. Bedroom sheets read ... "Mom, I love you. "

a not-so-perfect chapter laid to rest :)

selalu lepak bilik sndiri atau bilik syidi,

sebab sekarang masing masing dah ada lappy,

takyah klua dari bilik sindiri,

dah dapat internet free :D

tibe tergerak nk on9 dekat pc kt bawah, nmpak ada satu folder baru, thought i never found tht folder to ever existed, but then it did, pics aftermath accident sume tu, and yeah, it rang me one thing. there was something on my mind that i wanted to share.even though mcm penah post sblm ni, rase mcm nk post lg skali =).

obviously, after surviving that clash. everything flashes before my eyes

here are some things that i could remember, not that im saying i had a trauma or wutsoeva, but, well, just read pls thank you :)

firstly, i remembered that at that morning i havent prayed isya yet. YA ALLAH, what if i wasnt given the time to pray , was all the good things i did enough for me to ensure my afterlife?

and secondly, if that was my last day, i dont know, theres just sooo much things i still wanna say to everyone, sooo much things i wanna share with everyone, and all i could say was sorry,

sorry umi, i wasnt able to fulfill your desire of having a son to be a doctor, or even to give you the chance of having the opportunity to visit a son of yours during his studies at overseas, i know you were never satisfied with what i have achieved in life so far. its not a pride to cling to it rite?

ayah, sorry i wrecked the car as hell, i knew how much that car was a precious thing to you, but never the less, i hope that you knew that i didnt do it on purpose, thankyou for everything :)

syidi, thanks for the boards and everything. haha. all i could say is that you should be a greater example for the others. im no good one. all i did was never right in the eyes of everyone, i never knew the right way around everyone, you should teach the kids how since i wasnt there to do so :)

adek adek, all i can say is, blja rajin rajin , know that the world is bigger than what you've seen, plenty more to discover, plenty more to cherish, and soo much more to tolerate on. :)

friends, sorry if i was never there at the time you needed a friend the most, a time where a somebody could change a chaos to a silky smooth and calm situation, and sorry, for i know i am not the best person you'll ever know, honestly, all i ever wished for is to be a person you'll acknowledge of not taking yourselves for granted. and up until now, i still hope none of you would think twice to doubt me. thankyou everyone for everything :')

with love, to all of you who 's reading this,

but yet here i am, sitting infront of this pc, almost as healthy as i was back then. but if i was to die young.i hope that you could all forgive me. for everything i did, im really sorry everyone, i really am. but my last wish would not be complicated as writing me a song as how a7x did in so far away. nor do i was to be mourned, but just a simple perfect funeral. and a constant doa from all :)

kalau kalau ada hutang tu dan saya tak sempat bayar,. minta halal, kalau tanak halal, boleh refer pada family saya. maaf umi ayah suma. dan jgn risau, kalau ada hutang dengan aku tu, aku halalkan, kalau ada salah silap tu. aku maafkan, never did i grudged a thing against all of you :)

lesson i learnt was that we could never be sure when would be our time, *foolish lies of growing old* how many among us met the end of the road at a very young age, and they lived less than 50% of a normal person's lifespan. and yeah, for all this unfortunate people (i hope its not me) would have problems of enabling themselves to prepare of the last and final words to say to everyone, and this is mine. :) thankyou for your time peoples .

1st time tgk pn mcm tringt igt mase 1st kene. kpale terhantuk dkt cermin tu, tak tau lak byk rambut smpai cmtu skali. and the damage on the stereng is from the impact of my hand. utterly cracked it though.

what remains?? my self concious .

that morning and one only morning

Ok if post sblm ni dh cte smpai kt hospital aku nk cte la pulak ape jd dkt hospital... Huhu ..

Okay, turun ambulans die ckp suro tgu n jgn turun lagi. Die nk amek kerusi roda..aku ckp xpe aku bole jln.. Abg ambulans tu ckp die nk pg cari jp kerusi roda tu.. In the mean time die tye .. Aku ni smoke x. Kalau x die nk hulur sbatang. Mmg x la en. Last last aku kne jalan gk sbb kerusi roda tu dh abes.. Ngengg~

dh jln smpai emergency ward tu aku tgk kiri kanan sume old ppls, and mostly sume doctors there are housemans.. Last time aku kt hospital klang ni was when i was born.. Haha. Datang balek aku kt sni.. Hee tgk bangunan pn sume dah lme. Oldskoolbai! Hee.. the only thing dlm kpe aku skrg ni is just nk kua dr hospital ni asap.

.. Then a nurse mntak ic then die suro aku pg baring. As i lay down die tros buat standard procedure.. Cocok kt tgn utk inject rabies ape sume. Tgk mata. All tht stuff la.. again, tanye aku smoke ke tak. hmmph. X thn mase die nk tgk blood pressure die test dkt tgn kiri aku. Time tu x rse sakit sgt sbb adrenaline still rushing within me. Mase tu pkol 5. Umi asek calling tye ape cte mcmane oke tak sume. Then die ckp.. Nnt jgn lupe solat subuh.. Allah.. Aku isya pn blm lg time tu. Aku tye nurse tu mana surau nk solat. Die xnk gtau n die suro aku tido. Ikhwan kt sblh pn ckp suro aku tido gk. Die ckp nnt dah setel pg la solat.So aku pn tdo...

Dh tdo aku terjage byk kali gk. Tgk tepi ikhwan tak tido dr td tgk aku.. Pehh. Tq bro! Tgk jam dh subuh . Damnit miss isya. Takpela ikhwan suro smbg tido. Aku tido but then skalu ni terjage sbb darah kt dahi start mengalir balek. Aku pgl nurse sume buat bodo je. Igt aku x pkai spek aku xnmpak ke kau tga bace surat khabar .. Shitt. Last last out of nowhere tibe ade sorg nurse die stop kn bleeding tu. Ikhwan time tu pg setelkn procedure utk jahit kpale n xray. So aku sorg time tuh. Knpe la aku dh bpe lme kt situ bru skrg die nk setel kn aku.. Bkn nye dorg bz pn.. Pkol 630 br nk start proses aku.. Hehh. Government hospital.. As expected..

Ikhwan dtg ckp nk pg cek xray dulu.. Time adrenaline dh mule fading away .. So all the pain starts to hurt.. Smpai kt tmpt xray tu kne tgu turn. Tgk sblm aku tu bru aku tau cmne org koma kne xray. Huhu. Evrytime die nk isi borang for a procedure die akn tye aku smoke ke x . Wtf do.. Jahat sgt ke muke aku??

Dah xray die suro aku pg balek dkt ward utk tgu nk jahit kpale lak . Aku ckp aku nk tdo die x bg .. Die suro duduk. Fine aku duduk dkt katil igt skjp jer then nk tros pg jahit tgk2 lama. Ade nurse len lalu kt katil aku dan tye npe aku x baring . Bile aku nk baring datang nurse td suro aku pg jahit pulak. Adehhh~ sabo jela..


Kt bilik jahit tu aku sorg sbb ikhwan kne setel utk aku masok wad biase.. Aku dh pike bpe lme pulak la aku kne stay kt sni. Cuti seminggu je..ah redah je la .. Naik atas katil tu. Dokter tanggal balut dkt kpale and then die nk jahit kpale die mcm pelik.. Then die pgl kwn die..
-ni nk jahit cmane nh.. Theres no cut.. Skin loss je sume.
- abeh darah ni mengalir dari mana??
Xkn la x nmpak kt.. Pastu die nk cari kt mana darah mengalir die picit semua tmpt yg ade drh drh. Kalau adrenaline ade lg aku takesah la. Ni sumpah rase weh -,- kalau picit picit jumpe xpe gk.. Last last kne pgl gk senior dorg sbb dorg tatau cane. Darah time ni dok mengalir and die x bg aku tido. Tau kn sbb pe??

Dokter pmpuan tu dtg and die ulang balek prosedur laki td. Ntah ape ssh sgt nk cari drmmana darah klua. Aku pejam je mata the whole process tu. Muke mmg da basah ngn darah last last dorg da jmpe dari mana darah kua ztau cane nk jahit.
Yg laki suro jahit dlm dulu bru jahit lua.. Yang pmpuan tu suro jahit lua je nnt dlm ok la. Ok fine buat la pape jnji setel. Psni yg sakit gile. Die nk jahit msti bius dulu.. Hell yeah. Thts the most bitter pain. Dah lme x kne mcmtu. Dkt tmpt die nk jahit tu die akn inject bius atas bwh kiri kanan and finally tgh tgh at the center of the wound. Ok sumpah tak tipu tu sakt gila . Tp xde la smpai nanges .hehe. Dlm hati pike just tht this will be over soon. Soon. Soon. Mase die jahit tu mcm jahit baju lak. Tarek tarek benang as if kpale aku ni kain je..
-adek jgn gerak kpale nk ketatkn jahitan nh
Smbil jahit jahit dorg sume borak mcm aku ni xde je.. Adehh

As i rise up up fom the bed i can see that it is drenched in blood already.. Damn it how much blood have i lost today. Pg kt emergrncy ward balek then ikwan ckp maybe kne stay few days dkt sini sbb dokter ckp maybe kne masok besi.. Seb bek tak.. Time ni umi n ayh da dtg n ikwan pn balek sbb ayh die dh dtg. Pg la setel simen pulak dlm bilik casting yg super sejuk and then die pakse aku diri shirtless formabout 10 minutes for nothing. Then umi masok dlm bilik tu nk bg baju.. Da ade bju bru la x sjuk sgt then die psg cast bru aku blah dr hospital masok ward byase.. It was like 9++ tht time die. before balek dokter kne resolve dulu aku sakit ape next appointment bile bru bole balek. part dokter nk resolve sakit tu yg x le bla tu. Pdhl sumenye houseman yg nk cek. Dokter cek awl awl dh. Houseman nihh -.- fyi housemans are freshie doctors or practical kt. Huhu

Balek. Dlm kete miyul n syikin call ckp aku kt mne sbb die nk lawat.. Pdhal plan aslmpg tu nk pg skate sme sme. Then alya nk mntk tlg anta pg airport mmg sry sgtsgt aku xbleh.. Lastly aku endup spendi the whole cuti mid sem dkt rumah je -.- sume yg dh plan bagai kne tangguh..






this is some stupid video i made at the ER. sry for the mumblin

oke,pkai earfone yehh :)

that night and one only night

Owkaaaaayhh!!!!
I thnk its time for me to tell what happened.

Okay, jumaat petaang, lps lepak mkn mcd dkt kkpr, ahmad nini dtg amek instead of umi and syidi, dlm pkol 5 kt time tu. Smpai shah alam dlm magrib time tuh.. Lepak 2 mkn jap,, then pg anta kwn laily smpai uma die then pg cuci kete jap. Bla bla bla smpai uma pkol 11 kt. Bkk skype then ckp kt kwn kwn tu aku nk tdo jp sbb kol 3 kne pg amek cah dr pahang kt bustop..

As i was goinng to sleep, syidi dtg bilik aku die ckp...
-Ali jom pg skate
-bile??
- skrg la.
- jap aku tuka baju

Gile.. Mmg la aku pg skate.. Dah thn bpe lme x men kt skate park. So aku tuka baju and then gi la skate ngn syidi and rkan rakan die. Smapi pkol 230 ckp kt syidi balek skrg sbb aku kne mandi n pg amek kwn kwn tuh..

Pg amek dorg kt bustop tau tau xde kdit lak enset. So seb bek jmpe dorg. Then hanta dorg pg subang kt usj 9. Otw ade lak org ni tga nntok bwk kete trhuyung hayang. Damnnn. Xpe la. Hanta dorg balek and mase tu pkol 4 kt. And mase tuh la,, everythin turned into a nightmare .

dr subang oke je drive. Mase smpai kt seksyen 19 tu dah mule rase len mcm dah .drive kjap kjap trtido.. Kamis tu x tdo smpai la mase tuu.. So mane la x ngntok kn?? Smpai dkt 18 terpike,, ni xle bwk laju laju ni,, kne slow siket.. So i shifted the gear to the fourth gear, and unbuckle the seat belt and lean on the stereng wheel. Bese buat mcm tu okay je. So my speed reduced from 120 to 80.. Ntah cemane aku trtido nyenyak pulak smpai aku rse tayar kereta dh naek atas tanah devider.. Bkk je mata haaa amek kau, edge of a highway's devider yg besi tu collide head to head with ayah's wira..

Surely tht impact made my adrenaline rush throughout my body and im not mengantok .. Kpale mcm terhantuk siket dkt cermin. Time tu dlm hati Ya Allah! Cmne nk cover cite kt ayah niii -.-takpe takpe yg pnting skrg nh amek brg pnting dlu and kua kete. Cek poket enset pk.. Ipod tah kt mana pulak.. Time tu igt peluh tibe tibe byk turun kt muke.. Bile sapu bru prasan darah rupenyee -.-

Cari tisu yg biaae kt blkg dah ade kt dpn dh.. Amek la dlm 10 hwlai tu buat tahan darah kt dahi. Tgk2 darah x benti.. 2 3 kali perah tuka set tisu baru nk thn darah tu baru blood stop. At tht time aku dh kt lua kete tkt kete meletup pulak kang lg complicated things turn out.. Nak call org tgk2 enset xde kedit pulakk.. Seb bek la call 999 tayah gune kdit.. But free calls have their prices too. Operator die apesal la prangai gitu.. Adeeh

- ye encik ali husaini ape kecemasan anda?
Wahhebattaunameaku!*
- saye accdent skrg nh cmane?
-awak nak saye call tow truck ke??
*aku tga sakit ni kau bole ckp aku nk tow truck ? Ape ke bangangnye -,-
- saye skrg ni kpale saye berdarah cmane yeh??
- owhh. Skjp ye saye smbgkn kpd hospital...

Smbg je kt hospital ni lg sorg bangang

- ye apa kecemasan anda??
- saye br lps accident kepala saye drh drh ni .. Nk wat cmane skrg??
- awak nk saye pgl tow truck ke??
Wtf is wrong with you guys -,-**
-tak. Kpale saye darah byk ni cmane?? Nk buat ape??
- nak saye pglkan ambulans ke??
- haa tak kesah la jnji boleh setel..

- oke skrg saye nk tau dgn siape saye berckp yeh
Bodoh hanta je la dulu ambulan
- ali husaini
- ok nama ic apa
Sabo jela
- 920223~~~
- ok alamat awak??
- hanta je dulu ambulans bole x?
- skjp ye dik saye kne isi borang ni sume dulu.
Mampos kau la. Bg adress die mntak nama bapak la plk. Ic bapak sume. Sakai tol ..aku darah ni die x pike ke.
-oke dek skrg ni abg nk alamat tmpt adek accident
- saye x nmpak sbb spek saye da ilang tp skrg saye dkt flyover blkg sacc shah alam . Kalau lalu highway dr 18 menghala ke dataran nmpak la nnt.
- adek kne la specific siket tmpt kt mana. Highway apa and kilometer brape kt highway tu.
- mana la saye nk tau lalu je nnt nmpak la ade kete accident. Bk byk pn accident kete tu. Satu ni je
- ade land mark ape ape x yg bole gune tuk tau kt mana lokasi??
- phm x saye punye spek dh ilang masa accident tu mana saye nk nmpaknape sgt. Tp kalau lalu highway kesas smpai ke msjid negeri tu nmpak la. Cube la cari..
- okay. Ambulan dah otw. Time kasih
Tuttuttut........

Okay happennto be mase aku accident tu ade geng geng budak fixie pass by. Budak 18 gk tu.. Haha mntak ijhwan enset die call syidi surotolong setelkan kete jap mase tu. Die pn mAse tu pg inform ayah umi psl aku accident. At the same time tibe tibe polis dtg. Igt nk tolong pape. Die dtg then tanye
- ni spe gado kt sini ??!

Bangang ape. Nmpak tak kete tu knfm la accident vuduh..
Yhen bole pulakmbntai dir suro aku masok kete. Org nk blah dr kete die suro aku masok dlm kete tu.. Isap rokok then dah abes sebatang blah. Wtf dude?? Ape kau punye peranan do?? Stupid~~

after like 15 mnts tu,, ambulan dtg then ikhwan follow pg hospital klang. At tht time darah dh kering so mcm x rse sakit sgt kt kpale except tgn rase sakit . Dlm ambulan tu die mcm nk bersihkan kpale dr serpihan serpihan kace. Mase tu byk gile kaca kt kpale and hairs yg putus pendek pendek sbb impact tuh. Huhu. Ikhwan kate die nk termuntah dlm ambulans tu.. Then

Upps , i think ill post pasal ape jd kt hospital next post la . Nk kne bce buku nih.. Hee.. Goodluck sume budak palam!!

sincerely , here is part of my tale :)

ye saya tahu,

saya mengaku,

saya tak seperti yang anda mahu ..

**

dear you,

you are trying to say that im a troubled kid? because of what i do? i skate? the songs i hear? the life i live? is it wrong?

idk if its wrong with my reasons. i like skating as a hobby, if you hate a person's hobby, then idk why ur not hating the stamp collectors or the shopaholics.

and yeah. i hear songs where it is not accepted by the majority of the society. but the message they try to portrait is absolutely better . let them hear the feel with the words.and let them know, that life is not just about love and entertainment.. theres more to think of.

and yeah, i live a life of where i think i can make others happy, is it wrong to make other people happy?

but i cant change your perception no matter how and what i say, A verdict has been made. and i alone will eventually notice why im outcasted by you..

and yeah, i gotta admit, i was never born from a filthy rich parent that can spoil me with everything the world can offer. and umi always told me that we are not that rich to have everything we want, if people but this as a benchmark to us then what else can we do? God is not to be blamed, EVER :)

ouh, and i tried , i swear i tried, but i guess it was just never meant for me, to be studying in a place where all the most intelligent students are.due to that im am not as bright as them, just barely , im here where i am now.

and dont talk about my physical. im not that hot looking. or that superior athletic type of person.so, it all makes sense doesnt it?

i may not be the Alpha male ever to walk this earth, but if people outcast me because of the things i just stated. then i can hope for nothing more than a happier life for you. as long as you are happy then i have nothing, against you :)

friends. what would you do without them? indeed, when we have problems, we come to our loved ones to share it, but when we have problems with our loved ones, its them whom we search rite? :)

this is a band of the song where most of the society rejects. fyi, this band is made up of those who once, was troubled in a lot of stuff such as drugs and yg sewaktu dengannye. and by forming this band, they want to curb the straight edge spirit( a will of not turning back to what they were. a disaster and a burden to the society) in everyone. truely, hardcore music, is 1/3 music and 2/3 is the lyric. try looking at the lyric of *infidelity* and this the reason i stay*. more about them, see this link http://ijam315.wordpress.com/2009/02/05/tour-xmotivationx-second-combat/

and this is just something i do to pass my time. a way to let go all my problem, what else for a virgin like me can do? hahahaha. p/s: virgin , i mean of never knew, felt, nor understand this love thingy thing quite well. haha

APE MNDE KAU MREPEK NI ALI???!!

hehe. sry la, bkn ape, just that, saye kt sini saye nk mengaku. saya tak sehebat orang lain, tak sekaye org lain, tak sebijak orang lain. saye tak baek mcm orang lain yg korg kenal. so kalau korg nk bann SAYE SBB SAYE tak mcm org laen. silekan. beauty is in the eyes of the beholders. beauty in my eyes is never the same as in your eyes i supposed? ;)