pernah tak?

kadang kadang dalam hidup, kita diuji dengan macam macam, tapi dalam hati kita rasa macam ada sesuatu yg tak kena. walaupun orang semua cakap, *biaselah dugaan hidup, tuhan sayang kau weh*

senang berkata di mulut, susah diterima hati. sebab kita tahu seakan akan ada seuatu yang tidak kena.

something is really wrong with something with me.

i just hope im wrong,

seriously.

life frustration

look what the system did to me?

this is not who i was. i was better before

way better

trying to improve from that point.

to become one of the best perhaps.

but in the process

i followed the path of trusting someone .

telling the personal part of my problem,

so i could one day be just like all of them,

that are respected in the society,

and loved by the angels of heavens.

but you turn against me,

supposedly ,

if i follow the rule,

my problems areto be solved,

not being talked of it,

not making fun of it.

i guess the system was'nt wrong.

but the system trusted the wrong person

and for that reason,i cannot go back to how i was before,

this is something big, that could affect my whole life,

and it had,

and you shall be blamed.

life was fun, and more meaningful before that,

that moment when you screwed it.

takpe,korg mesti takphm, tp kt luar sana ada yg faham, srry korg terpakse bace.

dah lebih seminggu. tapi takpe.aku nk tulis jugak

although it may seem waaaaaay to long to say this. but just to let you know. that it is not that i forgotted . but rather its just a way of obeying your order. you once said that if it was ever your birthday, never to wish it. and the sole reason that you believed in will always be in my mind. remembered,

"buat apa kamu wish?? xkn la harini je kamu nk igt org tu?"

yeah.this goes for mother's day as well. a lesson i learnt from this statement is that we should always appreciate other person,and never take them for granted. dont just remember a person when it's their birthday. but cherish them through your life :)

but of course, you never expect kids to understand this. they seem to enjoy doing this. so let em do what they want, and of course. if birthdays do make a person happier. why not? but the person im talking here is someone,i just HAVE to wish. although you may not like it, just to let you know i did not forget even though i didnt say it out loud to you. ofcourse. spending time with you now is like almost impossible. and yeah. you like to read my blog right?:)

so,happy 46'th birthday umi, on last teusday* that is,, you are one strong woman i have to say.enduring what all the thick in life so far, is not what every woman might able to handle. please. all i want to see is you being happy, so just dont go yet.i still got a long way to go.and i need you to be there for me. and most importantly, to be there to see me succeed in life. theres just so much i need to show to you, to prove to you, to make up for the loss i've made in my past. so just stay okay? ill promise to take you back to aberystwyth , london as how you always wanted. who knows we can maybe live in that old pen house again ??:)

with love, your son . thank you for always being there for me. for being my everything.