Friday, August 25, 2017

The hurdles of an undergrad’s medical school; PRO EXAM(s)

After all these years im still here writing, and you're still here, reading. Thankyou for your time :)

Degree life was no walk in the park regardless of the course. And the amount of posts here should justify this statement as time really, really, REALLLY is at the essence. Regardless of any course, we all needed to strive at one point right? And so often people keep asking how does the medical course really takes place. I've KIV-ed this post ever since and thought its only appropriate if I post it after I myself, have gone through it A to Z, especially the exams.

 So a lot of things happened, of which maybe when the time comes I will bring it up. But as how my previous exams prior to medical school that I shared, id like to share this in particular. In the effort of trying to make the medical exams understandable for those who asked, and for those who wondered, especially those unrelated or unfamiliar to the system. Ofcourse, some medical school may have a little different approach of the exams. But the main goal is always the same; to ensure all the graduates are safe and competent doctors. And fair enough to be said, it is one of the most unfair exams. But what to do, it’s the only way to assess and these methods of assessments have been around for ages.

So, medical school typically has a total of 5 years of study. And its divided into 2, pre clinical( 2 years)  and clinical years ( remaining 3 years). The first 2 years is reserved for theory and lecture hall based teachings where learning is emphasized on the non practical exams. And the other 3 years are more emphasizing on clinical skills, and the knowledge on management in the hospitals. So after 4 semester, at the end of the 2ndyear, exams are in the lab ( OSCE; for specimens and samples related ) and in the exam halls, either written or objective questions. Written exams emphasized on 2 type of questions. And all of the subjects ( at least 6 of them if im not mistaken) so the easiest example that I can provide is, its like taking all the PMR / SPM papers at once and they ask questions in the paper 1 (objective), paper 2 ( subjective) and paper 3 (essay). An addition to that, the objective questions requires you to answer all the choices and state either the statement A, B, C, D, E is true or false. Each correct answer gives you 1 mark, each wrong answer will deduct you a 0.5 mark. So if you do the maths, getting 1 wrong answer will only get you 3.5/5 and so on. So its better to leave the answers you’re not sure rather than ‘ bantai ‘.

So, students need to pass the 2nd year’s pro exam (the term used for the major exam) in order to proceed to the clinical years. If they did not pass, under certain circumstances some of them may be eligible for a viva voce session with external examiners from other universities in order to pass. If they did not pass that session , they will have an extension of 2 months of study, and retake the exam( while other students, mostly are enjoying the holidays). Theres a few points that I think makes this pro exam easier than the year 5 proexam which are; 1. Its all on paper exams which means you wont have problems of having a thought block. Worst case scenario is that if it’s a written exam, just fill in the blanks and just fill in the true or false statement in the objective section. Atleast you still have something to write 2. Its all in the books and slides. So if you read it, youre sure to pass. Although the thickness of the books and hundreds of slides usually makes this statement arguable. ha ha ha

So moving on beyond the theory part, for 3rd to 5th year, we’d be required to apply all those theory to clinical settings in the hospital. If before, we would be learning of a certain disease and knowing it’s symptoms and all the necessary things there is to it, clinical years would require you to do the opposite. Catching the symptoms and knowing what disease that may relate to that symptom. In other words; giving diagnosis to the symptoms. 

( a picture with one of the inspiring pediatrician. calm and collectively said that we all can really do it

Of course, for those who have been to a hospital with medical students attaching to it, you’d notice how students would spend a longer time to ask you specific questions in comparison to the practicing doctors in the ward where some of thr questions may not seem related to the disease, and some questions may offend the patient in a certain way (minta maaf zahir dan batin). This is because as students you cant take shortcuts and our lecturers / specialist doctors would want us to know all the details about the patient, including the social aspects.’ Treat the patient as a whole’ is the oath we took. Sometimes the patient comes with a broken bone, but we keep asking on whats the income of the patient and where does the patient lives. Its important to know so the doctors may provide the cost effective treatment and if required, to seek for funds and how to allow her to have the easiest access to further medical treatment. In addition to that, further lifestyle modification may be needed and the doctors / other hospital staffs ( nurses, occupational therapist and physiotherapist ) may adjust and aid accordingly. On the contrary, practicing doctors usually wont spend that much time because they only have 24 hours a day and so much to do, hence they only take what is necessary at that certain time, and if required they will ask from time to time.

Learning includes in the ward and also sessions in the class for a hands-on on the current practice of a certain disease and clinical procedures. So the flow goes like this: take history from the patient and do necessary examination to confirm your diagnosis. Know the required investigations to be sent to the labs and the management of the patient. Of course we need a solid knowledge of the theory behind all of this during year 1 and 2, and addition to this, the current practice at the hospital. For example, the book may say that the dosage of a certain medication but in practice the dosage may be different and this must be referred to the guidelines provided either by the world health organization (WHO) or ministry of health. And as how we all know, there are a lot of departments ( of which called ‘postings’) ; such as surgery, medical, paediatrics, obstetrics & gynaecology. These are the cores that we must learn throughout the clinical years. But the list goes on as there are also other subspecialties. In my medical school, they arrange the postings in year 3 and year 4. The final year (year5) is reserved for reincorporating the 3rd and 4th year and knowing the managements, and the treatment modalities of each disease. Of course, good students may have done all of this in the 3rdyear already. Hiew hiew. Good for them

Moving on to the exams, there are 4 types of exams in the clinical years. End of posting, end of semester, ethics in medical jurisprudence, and the final hurdle; PRO3 exam. So the end of posting exam is a clinical examination where our knowledges and skills are tested with regards to a certain disease in the ward. The mainstay of the exams are ’ longcases’ and ‘shortcases’. Longcases are exams where we are needed to ask the patient specific questions together with relevant examinations and all of this must be presented to the doctors as we are needed to come up with a diagnosis and relevant discussion shall follow after that. And the short cases are a relatively short duration of exam where within 10 minutes, you are not allowed to ask anything from the patient, but we need to come up with a certain diagnosis solely based on the examinations done during that short duration. A potentially biased and unfair exam as the doctors will usually see if there is any available cases in the ward, sometimes out of sheer bad luck, we may end up with a never been seen case and thus fail to pass the exams. After several postings, the end of semester exam will commence and the theory behind every postings and the format is still the same as there is subjective questions and negative markings-objective questions. Of course, after each exams we all, would want to score(read: pass with flying colours) it. Some may need it as to the cumulative pointer. But in our medical school, its part of the requirement to enable us to take the final exam. 

So, In order to graduate the medical school, students are required to pass the PRO3 exam. But before hand, they must be eligible to ‘ sit ‘ for the exam first. So the requirements are as follows;
1.       Must not fail the end of semester exams more than 2 postings out of a total of 17 of them. If so, they may need to repeat the year, not the semester. 
2.       Attendance of (maybe) 95%. It’s a super rare occasion where they must also repeat, even though they pass the end of semester exams.
3.       They must pass the ethics exams. This exam is usually taken prior to the pro3 exam, and this essay questions is solely to see if our thinking process is ethical enough to practice as a doctor, failing this, also requires the student to repeat the final year, despite having no problems with no.1 and no.2

And as all of this settles, then only the student may sit for the exam. This last hurdle, As I quote, from my previous dean ‘this is the most unfair exam that you will ever encounter’ and theres nothing much we can do about it other than to get through it , and pray for the best.
So for the last exams, they still retain the same format, but having the total number of questions increase. From 30 objective questions, to 60, and theres 2 sets of it tallying it up to 120 questions. Other subjective questions also doubled. They now divide the questions by surgical based ( such as obstetric, orthopaedic and surgery) and medical ( those discipline that does not require surgical intervention for the main treatment such as, psychiatry, paediatrics, and medicine). My theory exams was a bit catastrophic, maybe ill share later, and students need to pass both the theory and practical part.

For the practical part, theres one long case, and 3 long cases that must be faced. And these 4 practical session should be able to compensate each other in order to overall pass the practical part. So the theory and long cases are done in week one, and the second week is reserved for the short cases only. By the time they are doing the short cases, they have already summed up all of the marks from week 1 and by the end of the short  case session, the cumulated marks are calculated and the lecturers should already know either students passed their PRO exam or not. If the theory part is so poor ( which is a rare event) theres nothing much that can be done. But if theres a borderline fail due to lack of marks on the practical part, theres a special session after the short case session called modified short / long case (depending on the lacking component ) to compensate the marks. 

So the flow goes something like this, after the short cases session, students are required to be quarantined and await the names for those who needed the extra marks sessions. It’s a really stressing moments as of at this time everyone would be wondering on how the little flaws they did may affect the overall marks. And half of the time those who ‘kantoi’ during the practical sessions would expect to be having this session. For those whose names were called, if they are able to perform well at that current exam, they should know either they pass or vice versa without having to wait for the resultsto be announced. As for those whose names weren’t called, they would be either a pass, or worst, clear fail, especially those who didn’t do well and their names was not announced. And these thoughts will haunt them until the names of all those who has passed will be announced on the next day. 

On the next day they will have all of the students and lecturers to come into the lecture hall and they will announce the name, one by one, those who have passed and those whose names have not been called, will know that they have not passed, and will need an extension of 6 months. It’s an emotional moment as millions of thoughts were on the line and the moment you see ewither all the bloods, sweat, tears shed in the past 5 years were enough, or you needed to do more beyond what you've done. after the names were announced, then the hyppocratic oath / declaration of Geneva is taken. 

(pic was taken an hourafter results were announced, not the same expression an hour before for sure)

Its a quite lenghty post, probably might make you read a line or two twice or trice. But i hope the message is conveyed and see how the flow is not like the typical pointer system. i hope this post does not oofend anyone. Sorry if i did. And next time ill proceed with, my hurdles. Thankyou (for sticking till the end! :D )

(p/s: if you're wondering why there isnt much pictures of hospital setting, well that's because its actually unethical to take pictures in the wards/ hospitals as the privacy of the patient is one of the things we took oath to protect .. cheers! )

Thursday, February 23, 2017

The permanent, everlasting reminder.

To the one and only person, who would surely ponder upon these words, regardless of how exaggerated they are, or how excruciatingly long they may be.

in the times of where you start to lose sense, in what is right and what is wrong,
the rights will always be with those who had the best common courtesy.

As you lose sight in those who are right and those who are wrong,
Religion will always be with who are right, and surely the wrongs, when they take advantage on what religion has to offer.

As time flies and you look at the road you're on so far,
you are where you are not just because of your effort, but the support you have from everyone, the prayers from your parents. In sickness, In health, in the hectic life you have, you are still a son, with the responsibilities to be accomplished and will surely be asked infront of God later on.

In times of disbelieves, and when man's wrath and their way of life part you from your path, 
Remember, there is the right example for you to follow, and the wrong example for you to refrain. you are stronger and wiser, as you can still differ the rights and remain with it.

In times of where you see everyone in every walk of society,
Appreciate, be kind to them as the kindest among them are the ones people will usually overlook. 
the ones from the low society often been recited in history as those who paved an easier route to heaven.

Of all the hardship you've been through, you've always said to yourself to be strong as there will always be a harder obstacle ahead. So raise your chin and move forward, there's always a silver lining in everything.

When the world gave everything it has to offer, be humble, and remember your roots.
Allah will always have better plans for you and trust Him, and dont lose faith in Him. Surely He'll provide you with the strength to move on and reach Him in all the right medium you're using.

To the one and only person, who would surely ponder upon these words, 
to the future me, always remember, hopefully when you remember, you will be better.


Tuesday, June 14, 2016


this tributes a lifetime memoir. of those who were there, significantly, paved the path that i walk today. ad if it wasnt because of them, life would go the way i could never have foreseen. specifically saying, in my life of learning. heres to them. may Allah grant the best He could offer. A specific person that plays a role not in teaching alone, but also offered me something better, a perspective.

Mu'allimah Waznati. she was my science teacher when i was in secondary school. In my form 1 studies i wasnt the brightest to begin with. i studied for the cause of the flow. more or less for the friends as we share the common goal : exams are on the way, you just need to get through it, not to be the head of the  curd or the alpha wolves. so the story starts when i was in form 1. it was a little culture shock adjusting from the bahasa syllabus in primary school to the english version. the 1st test was not much of a problem as everyone passed moderately. as the mid term exam approaches, teacher A decided to quit and leave the school with the exam paper she constructed as the last contribution she had to give. concurrently, teacher B substituted and she was the one marking the papers that teacher A made. and most of the students failed that paper. (we were young and st*pid at that time) a few people wrote a letter to teacher B to asking her to teach properly and not take this 'teaching' so lightly sounds rude, but some of the student actually made a petition for this purpose. not being able to handle the stress, teacher B decided to do the unthinkable. teacher B called all the students of form 1 prior the second semester test and discreetly said that its a ' last minute study ' . after that session we were told to memorize the answers, including the flow of the ABCD in the objective part. it was the real exam paper. and when people knew it, we all went a little cray cray. "this is my chance to score' i see those whom before were answering the objective section by taking chances from choosing the colour of the pen they picked randomly from their pencil case to memorizing the flow of the objective section like its some sort of the Holy Qur'an 's verses. But at the end of the day, when the results came out, most of us still failed, and it really took a blow to teacher B. and worst, 'kantoi' by the other teaching staffs and higher ups of her activity causing that teacher to lose the job. and after that there was no teacher to actually teach the science subject for real. only relief teachers and seniors took the job , on and off. which somehow kinda strucks me a little.

its my favorite subject but i could not learn properly because there are those who blame the system implied on them. and the teachers were victims of blame by the students who expected life would be easy. it was until the end of form 2 that we actually have a real teacher, who decided to took the spot where the gloomy rumors will haunt the teacher as if they are doomed to be teaching a subject that will fail the students and they will get the blame regardlessly. i admired her courage to stand up and try her very best to do what she had left of her time, a few weeks before final semester 2 exam.  and at this moment i realize, she wasnt trying to cheat her way through. and with all the efforts she is giving, why are we still gambling answers during exams instead of actually really trying to learn.

A few days before the exam we had a little feast and we had to cook our own meal. i still remember that time i was cooking ayam madu and she came to me.

' ali dh sarapan belum?'
'nanti ayam ni siap saya sarapan .'
' takpela ali. awak pergi makan dlu sarapan. budak budak lain semua dh makan makanan cikgu xxx bawak dkt kelas .tinggal kamu 3 org je tak makan lagi'
' takpela. sikit je lg ni'

and the teacher went away and came back a few minute later a bag of  hot choc donuts.

'ali makan la ni. bagi dkt kwn2 skali. share share la ye.'
' donut ni bukan mahal ke ? nnt saya bayar balek ye. terima kasih' i was eating it while making this statement. after finished eating, i took rm15 from my wallet to pay for the doughnuts.
'total donut td rm15 kn?? terima kasih, again' and what she replied was probably the life changing part of my life.

' tak payah la bayar rm15 ni. murah je. awk tau tak cmne nk bayar dgn harga yang lagi murah tp lagi senang. '
' mcmane tu?'
' awak belajar rajin2. awak score highest utk science final ni. kire lepas tu langsai la hutang kita'
' lagi senang ke cmtu? mcm byr rm15 lg senang je hahaha' i replied with a cynical laughter hoping that she was just joking.

'saya tau awak boleh ali. kalau awak usaha lebih sikit, sikit je. msti boleh. ape pn jadi, saya taknak duit rm15 '

from what i understand, she just wanted me to work harder, and working harder would benefit me from the success that would come, and also the waived rm15 ofcourse.  so i tried my best, and i saw her again during the 1st week of form 3 .

' result exam dh keluar ke? bole tak saya nk tgk kertas saya, nk tgk apa yg bole di improve sebelum pmr ni '
 she had to dig throughout the piled up papers to find mine.. and when she did find mine,

' tahniah ali. kan saya dh cakap . lagi sng dr byr rm15, '
from the inside i reacted with a statement ' eh dia ingat lagi janji dlu. dh brpe bulan kot'
and utterly from the outside i only managed to smile and thanked her with the simplest form, and nothing more. at that point was the time i realize, success is not for those born with the greatest talent that they may have, theoretically run in their family for generations. but  sheer hardwork plays a role also in order to succeed. and the more hard work, the higher the chances for you to get what you want.

and so lucky for me, is that this teacher's effort does not end there. although she didnt teach me during my pmr times, so often she would come and see me, and ask if i have any other problems that needed problems. although most of the time the she did not provide a direct solution to the problem, she constantly reminds me that one of the solution is to keep try harder. and sometimes a reminder is all you need to be better. and all this theory is well approved after a significant change in the academic results were achieved.


and here hopefully reminiscing what happened before could inspire me to be better at the time i need it most. a year left in clinical years. and i definitely need to do more than i am doing now, more than what i did before. life is not going to get any easier , and for that its crucial for, me especially, to keep motivated.


Saturday, December 12, 2015

Antara tiga darjat

kadang kadang manusia terlupa. 
dalam hakikat penciptaan dirinya
ada beza antara tuhan dan hamba
ada beza antara manusia biasa dan nabi mereka

Seringkali dalam setiap perbuatan kita, kita dinasihatkan untuk berhati hati. Bukan kerana perbuatan itu betul atau salah, Tetapi apabila perbuatan salah itu ditafsir sebagai kebenaran, Dan perbuatan salah itu dianggap benar. Dan aku takut, seandainya kebenaran itu dikatakan benar, Hanya kerana lebih ramai yang mmenyatakan yang salah itu benar. Maka aku tertanya tanya, dimana peranan akal untuk berfikir, peranan iman untuk memandu akal. mungkin apa yang kita perlu sedar, fungsi muhasabah lebih dari sekadar mengisi manisnya kalam nasihat.

Kita bukan tuhan. Kalau tuhan semestinya apa yang dibuat sentiasa betul, Dan bukan tugas kita untuk persoalkan hakNya sebagai tuhan mahupun persoalkan baik atau buruk tindakan tersebut. 

Kita juga bukan nabi. yang mana perbuatan nabi seringkali melambangkan keindahan Islam. Walaupun jika dilihat kisah Nabi Hidir, Nabi Musa sendiri meragui tindakannya. Jika dilihatkan lainnya nabi dan kita, seandainya nabi membuat silap, Allah akan tegur secara terus. Persoalannya di sini , apakah kita juga akan merasakan tindakan kita betul selagi mana tuhan belum menegur kita secara terus?

Maka sekali lagi saya bertanya, apakah beza kita dengan tuhan? apakah beza kita dengan nabi? aku sedar, diri ini bukan hebat dalam bab bab sebegini. tapi yang aku pasti, sebagai manusia. kita perlu akan muhasabah diri. 

Gunakan hak untuk berfikir sebelum hak untuk bersuara :) 

Friday, November 20, 2015

THE SUMMARY, so far.

sedang mengklik itu ini, sana sini. Mencari sesuatu yang kelihatan seakan akan tidak wujud. mungkinkah aku sedang bosan? maka kembali lah aku ke sini. sekali lagi. harapnya selepas ini lebih konsisten.

glistering my views on my fellow bloggers whom, once were all together with me throughout this journey of epic writings and sharing. And now, most of the writings are virtually unavailable due to further unacquainted commitment. though some have been known to have less time for the hands and minds to sync and marvelously, and effortlessly producing something worth, marriage. and perhaps even studying (hopefully), seems to be a legit reason of so. but nevertheless, i hope that i may continue doing what i am, and still manage to squeeze some time for all of this. (AMIINNN~)

So far. here i am. clinical years. i cant comment much on the 4th year of medical school, yet. But hey, 3rd year was a year full of memories of which in my opinion is worth sharing, and worth of reading back for myself especially. listing it would be easier i think :D

1. EXTRA CURRICULAR - I always believed that a great person has a great agenda. and a great agenda is always something that is beyond what is already laid in front of him. pretty sure everyone knows the poem ' the road less traveled by '. And having a year of new responsibility had me placed myself where i never thought id be, and not forgetting, all the peoples i met along the way has shown me the practical approach of the saying. and the downside at this point of which i was able to conclude to myself is that not everything will go as how you planned. YES, not everything works in the real world. you tried so hard in doing something but the world seems to always knock you down just to make you realize , you need to be better. suck in up and move on~

2.CURRICULAR - Obviously learning in the clinical setting is not the same as the past 2 years. nor will it be similar to any practical sessions in other faculty. learning by the means of self urgency. the ultimate form of proper practical learning. at this point i realize, its not how much you know prior, or how well you did in the past years of your life that matters. but how much you put an effort and commit to learn and gain everything that matters. Of course, there are those who settled with just doing average. In the end, the outcome will be the same for everyone. unless you flunked (God forbids) but youll reach the same place , just a bit late. of course, examwise, im willing to say that it is one of the most unfair exam in the world. Some would consider passing is a luck. others might work so had for it but still not pass. as for me. i only hope that passing is the best fate Allah has decided for me.

3. THE FRIENDS - Its quite the sad scene where all the 250 friends who goes to lectures together 2 years ago are now merely faces seen once a week, if youre lucky that is. as how i am eager to talk to each of them, time is always THE one to prevent me from doing so. we all have our own different schedules to follow and places to attend. But i always say to myself, there will be a time after this hecticness ends, that i am able to do so. but never the less, out of sight doesnt mean out of mind, nor do out of prayer.

4. THE LIFE - So it begins. as everyone is getting prep on what they want or have to do in life you start questioning how that statement inflicts on your life. whats it gonna be like for the net five years, or maybe 10 or 20 years from now. along the way what should you dump and on which should you cling and carry on. Others will start questioning too. And unfortunately, some will doubt your action regardless how virtue the intention you prioritize. there will be those who cant digest the fact of why this course is the longest, and why its said to be the toughest. not that im making an excuse for each and every under performance( God forbids) there is. In everything that we do, i realize theres one fact that should be highlighted that hopefully, in a certain way, it may be something to cling on and head towards a better future.

all of our times flies. but to where it flies that differs each and every one of us. and just because you are doing something in your believe, is the right thing, it makes other paths the others took the wrong one. lets leave the judging part to the One and only who can, and leave the efforts to us. 
Towards a better and brighter future. InsyaAllah :)

Monday, April 13, 2015

embracing knowledge for what it is.

learning is a process. a process where we interpret what we received  from our senses regardless of what ever form the origin is. presumably, other people tend to judge us with the stuffs we are SUPPOSED to learn. having that said, we, on the other hand somehow forgot the true nature of learning it self.

its not about what our surrounding shows that defines what we will learn. But rather how we accept our surrounding in a way, it may benefit us in any way, at any given time. processing our thoughts and instincts, only then, we would realize, its only a matter of time when we see how everything may somehow teach us something new, something useful, something we need in the most dire times possible.

hearing is one thing. listening is another. and for that, we should be realizing that, knowledge is a key to survival and does not necessarily means it has to come from a book or a speech from a person who claims, to have a better way of life than you or any other people. knowledge and lessons in life are often more easily absorbed and comprehended when they are more relatable to our own. ( the eyes wont see what the brain doesnt know). and with this, we should be able to see clearly, how learning could actually vary in many ways and its always easier when you could see the silver lining in everything  (perhaps its even more fun!)

open up a book and understand what its trying to let you know. listen up to a speech, and testify to yourself, of which am i supposed to know, and which should i discard. open up to the goods that people do as an example we can replicate for others to also trail on the same track. see the bad examples others do, so you can refrain yourself from doing so, and perhaps, correct others to also refrain from it, and also improve themselves.

and there will be times where you come to a point, where you feel tired just absorbing everything you could. and when that time comes, look back and realize, the reason why you are able to see or do certain things up to this point is because you can while others cant. And with that said, you should realize that Allah has , bigger plans and a greater path for you.

so maybe its good to sometimes, close your eyes, take a deep breath, remind yourself of all these things. and force a smile, know that you are strong. stronger than many others that usually take the easier path. we all heard about the tail of the road less traveled by. and hey look, here you are, citing the poetry of a life you are living in :)

#this post , a tribute to the times when i realized, when i started to learn. its not all about academics, its not all about the grades. sometimes you need to learn how to make those who concern about the academics to also realize theres more than just academic to live with :) but this, still doesnt mean that academic is not important :)

surely, you'll understand dependence when you know the Maker's land  :)

Monday, March 31, 2014

Demi masa , dulu dan kini

22 tahun dan sebulan
Sebulan .... plus plus...

as our age increases, we realize that we've lived a year longer, and also we have shorter time to live, making us wonder, what have we been doing all these while?

along this 22 years of journey, a lot of things had happen. a lot of things learnt. and ill admit, along the way, at some point, i messed up. im pretty sure we all did right? 

nevertheless. let alone our past be a good example of whom we once we're , and whom we shall refrain from being like that, again. and that is why, i shall not delete the posts from my previous years. let it be something to remind me, for we are mere humans who requires explicit reminder to allow ourselves to see the fine line between what is right and what is not.

the things we did back then cant be repent with turning back time, but we can repent it by not doing it again, ever. i was once who i was, but that doesnt mean ill stay that way forever. the best lesson is learnt not from books, but from experience. seeing and reading, may be a way to hopefully learn. but doing mistakes, FORCES us to learn, and REGRET will allow us to remind ourselves, constantly.

but as the time we have the epiphany , we shall see the world will somehow, turn against ourselves. trying to tear us apart. making our journey towards a better individual, as hell as possible. then i came across this,

"selagi anda beriman, selagi itu anda akan dilanda ujian"

its not a test if its not difficult, its not a test if you get through it everytime, the same way. maybe this is just how life is. ill get use to it. Allah is always there with those who needs him. oh well