Saturday, December 11, 2010

confess?

its been a year or more, id remember that day was like, somewhere October 2009.

and now, i dont know. why everything changed just too much from that date. i changed, or you? i hope its just me. and forgive me for doubting. but hey, im just referring from what i heard. well, obviously, things are not the same since we've known each other, i dont know when was the turning point. but something must of happened. firstly, some of your friends, must have seen what i did. during midyear that is. hey, im not the kinda person who walks up to girls and talk . "hey, buat ape tu" and, "hey, boleh kenal" seriously . no and never have i ever did like that to girls whom i dont know. but they were the ones who came and asked things to me at that place., and nothing big, they were just old friends. as if your friend ever cared and ever knows, but.... id try to keep my distance to a safe radius with them. but it seemed like it was not how your friends saw it. i cant changed a persons perspective, but i can stand and fight for whats right. and i know my words never did reached you right?and your friend swords are alwys what cross your head more than mine.
and youve said that you gave the chance for me to say what i am supposed to say right? hmm, i dont know when was that. and you claimed that i failed to do that within the period you said. here i ask. when was that chance?? when did i missed it? i cherished every single moment i had. especially, during that days.but hey. its the only time we spoked, it was like the time when you called me. during youre free time, once .id like to say here how happy i was knowing that you still remembered me, and most of all, spending bits of your time just to go to the public phone. and since that the period was just a brief, i never get to say what i want, and yah. i know that your friends were there too, just to company you, and to use the phone. making me unable to call back. i wished i could. thts why i sent those cards, something i never done to anyone else for a long term. hoping it could be the best replacements. it was all i could of think of. im sorry if it was not enough. how many i sent , how much of them failed to arrive. idk why. i hope that you would understand why i send those mails. it may not cost much. but i did it with all of my heart.
im not trying to pressurise this point. cz i know how much education means to you that time. that was the same motivation for me in my studying. and it also made me realize, how i am soo diferred from you. unlike you, i am not in the eyes of a viewer as a sight of greatness. im just a normal typical person who just happened to be studying in a school, less known my the country and just being overlooked by most people. who am i to be with those who stands in great height. i would understand how im going to be placed in the food chain. lower than you. that would just make me cry sometimes? but hey, why would i ever wanna cry for something that is destened for me.
but just to say. things from my veiw has never changed. and i always hoped for what i believed.how special you are. and still. and that is what i said to you always. but if things arent going with my flow. its not mine to decide is it? but most importantly, i hope that you are happy just as how you wished. would you even read this??? at leasat one person do understand what i am saying.but i would really just wanna say thankyou for everything in the past. thank you for realizing me of who i am. people can call me stupid or wutsoeva, but among all of them that stare sky high, im bounded to the ground. just seeing you from another perspectice and not sharing the same veiwwith you. and thank you for motivating in my studies. i hope that it will gve a huge impact on me. have a wonderful life. a great one with all your loved ones.
if ever before im actually making you to a bad place, im sorry.. i really am. dont worry, it wont ever happen again.till then..
with love,
me....

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