not quite sure how to start this,
but lets go,
no fancy opening, no pictures.
just I remember vividly, once in foundation study. A dear friend asked a casual question with a rather smirk, that left me answering with just a nod and a smile.
Asal kau suka jogging eh? Lari penat2 lama2 . Watpa weh.
(spoiler alert, the poerson who asked me this question started running this year :)
guess i couldn’t really answer the question back then. Some things you just gotta do it, learn to love it ( or hate it ) along the way. And see if it actually gives you the benefit that you need. You always have a reason to start doing something right? Be it just to tag along,or just wanted to channel your focus on something.
As for me? I did not tag along anyone. nor was i trying to do something 'fun'. And as like most people, we all have stories to tell.
As far as memory took me,
in primary school once, ayah forced me to accompany him to jog in the park. I had no proper shoes, so i ran with him, in my flipflops. I hated that moment. Not comfortable, no purpose. As Routine at that time was dragon ball and digimon on tv. Then a year later, I tried to run on track, thinking maybe long distance was not my thing. But unfortunately , i was beaten by a friend who’se size is bigger than me. Indirectly, that kind of sum up the principle of ‘maybe youre not meant to run’ and i embraced it, for awhile.
but hey, im a persistent guy i guess. In high school i tried to make a come back and give it a try, one more time. maybe i could actually do running. So i remembered during form 3 , during merentas desa, i got the 10th placement during the route trial day while casually run the course. felt good and optimistic, unfortunately had a flu during the race day. What a way to disapprove my comeback. And later, during form 5, i tried again at that time. Not targeting to push or win anything. Just hoping to run without stopping and encourage others to do the same as well along the way. Only to realize that i finished in 21st place (top 20 gets a medal 🤷♂️) frustrated for not pushing? Naah. that was on me. i guess i could run, but maybe i was not meant to win. ( for those interested, there is a post of it back in 2010 :)
As time goes by, life goals were pre arranged. priorities changed. you got alot of stuff to do, and juggling between sports and studying gets harder. So you want to be consistent in exercise, you invest the time and energy on sports requiring only yourself, without depending on others.. hence there was skateboarding. The adrenaline. The ability to keep on burning the calories, without needing to worry about the need of another person to allow myself to exercise. I only needed my board and im good to go. Pretty much enjoyed the hard falls and hard rise to just kept going, only to realise after 10 years, such sport hasnt just cause damage to my wallet, but my knees. jumping at hhge gaps, and falling on the knees at high speed kind of made some damages that i regret, till today.
In 2021, I realised that i could not skate as hard as i used to. The knees hurt so bad. if before, jumping off a few stairs at high speed was easy, now i cant even pop an ollie properly. If previously i managed to to run 40km with no issues. Now running 3km alone causes so much pain i had to stop. Thought that maybe i had some ligament injury, did some scans, end up nothing. Just plain old worn out knees due to over usage. That was the day i said to myself, enough is enough. Youre a doctor. Do things correctly, and make use of the knowledge you gained. I stopped skateboarding and slowly crawled back. learning how to run, properly this time. committed to this idea that its the cheapest sport out there. all you need is a pair of leg, a pair of shoes, and the open road. (LOL)
as i started back. Very slow pace, jogging around the neighborhood with snail-ly pace, i could not fathom how terrible my cardio condition was. And apparently passing by a park, where some people made a diy skatepark and skating the rail and stuff, How bad i wanted to go and say hi to them just so i can do a kickflip and grind the rail. Especially when i hit the spot where the knee hurts so bad and i cant jog anymore and had to walk. Passing by them, was like a frustrating moment of realizing, skating was no longer your comfort zone, and moving on was the only way up. running never felt that hard,.
‘Its okay. Let time do its magic’
So I did some treatments for the knees, while going back tru the basics. Slowly, like super slowly, it doesnt hurt as bad as before, and you realized all the mistakes you made during running for the past 15 years. The stupid and silly mistakes during the run, and outside of the running itself. Was too much. But here i am. Slowly learning to run, and apparently, enjoying the process.
Nowadays, most people enjoyed the part where the running scene is more enjoyable together. While the introvert part of me enjoys the silent constant grind. And the grind forces me to keep on doing, and improve myself, let it be in the middle of the night, or early in the morning where its just you, the open road, and God as your witness.
what seemed initally that 'i do this to improve my mental health,' turned into ' my mental health depended on the runs that im able to do'. after all the 'failures' and experience of the running trying to turn me down from it, Allah showed me, the beauty of persistence. and these experiences are the maker of a bolder heart, broader mind, and independent self. after all these long writings, i guess i still havent pointed out the answer to my previous question.
WHY??
Knowing its one of the sport that i can fully enjoy, being alone, without depending on other people kinda is self explanatory. at the end of the day, you rely on your self more than anyone else. so being able to rely fully on yourself, during the good times, and bad times, is the epitome of self reliance. but lucky me, I got married to a wife who enjoyed the same sport as i do. and getting to do this together means alot.
On top of that, knowing theres no hack to it rather than the time and effort spent that defines how well you do, makes it a fair play to explore. You start with a step, and keep on going. until it becomes a form of escapism. No matter how bad your life is, you do this. day in day out. that is not just persistence, that is the core of discipline. The core of any habit grooming, without relying on motivations. and if youre lucky, these activity may be a method to get away from the negative thoughts, get the endorphin, runner’s high. And time to reorganize your thoughts. Most importantly, i just wanna be there in the future when my kids wants me to be there during the times where they need me to be healthy.
With that said. Ive came to the conclusion that this will be my last post in the platform. i could drag this on and on but lets make it quick this time (i just needed an excuse to post something, so i can write the followings:)
It has been a wonderful time to express n share my thoughts. But sadly, as time moves forward, so should we. With the abundance of other social media, its becoming a hindrance to share. Nowadays, the era of AI and easyaccess makes your privacy at risk. And im a bold believer that Privacy, is a luxury. and i intend to keep much of it to the people that matters to me. this place where i call home of my thoughts to rampantly express themselves has become unfortunately, redundant, and insignificant. because, in these dire times, how could i be writing about me when there are more important matters to talk about. the obvious ongoing massacre of our brothers and sisters of Ga.za..
Obviously i planned to continuously write consistently. but the streak halted in 2024. i tried to push the idea of writing something , all the wonderful things and epiphanies around me. but i couldnt, the guilt. it cannot be overseen. and its selfish of me to ignore on what is important right now. and that is them, the mothers, fathers, and children of Ga.za. not me. seeing the atrocity happening to them, its hard to not reflect on yourself, as a son, father and husband. very sad and frustrating scene. maybe, when everything is over, i hope i can reorganize my thoughts and keep on writing as i usually do. OR Maybe, just maybe, should i write a book? Who knows.
Thank you for your time. Especially if youve been here since the beginning, and on this 100++ post (and alot more in the draft, sadly), id just like to say;. Lets all be a better person for the people that matter to us. And pray. Pray for our brothers and sisters of Palestine. They need it soo much.
last but not lease, i seek forgiveness for all the wrong doings and wrong writings for all these years. please be well. and lets make this world a better place to live in <3
