tributes

this tributes a lifetime memoir. of those who were there, significantly, paved the path that i walk today. ad if it wasnt because of them, life would go the way i could never have foreseen. specifically saying, in my life of learning. heres to them. may Allah grant the best He could offer. A specific person that plays a role not in teaching alone, but also offered me something better, a perspective.

Mu'allimah Waznati. she was my science teacher when i was in secondary school. In my form 1 studies i wasnt the brightest to begin with. i studied for the cause of the flow. more or less for the friends as we share the common goal : exams are on the way, you just need to get through it, not to be the head of the  curd or the alpha wolves. so the story starts when i was in form 1. it was a little culture shock adjusting from the bahasa syllabus in primary school to the english version. the 1st test was not much of a problem as everyone passed moderately. as the mid term exam approaches, teacher A decided to quit and leave the school with the exam paper she constructed as the last contribution she had to give. concurrently, teacher B substituted and she was the one marking the papers that teacher A made. and most of the students failed that paper. (we were young and st*pid at that time) a few people wrote a letter to teacher B to asking her to teach properly and not take this 'teaching' so lightly sounds rude, but some of the student actually made a petition for this purpose. not being able to handle the stress, teacher B decided to do the unthinkable. teacher B called all the students of form 1 prior the second semester test and discreetly said that its a ' last minute study ' . after that session we were told to memorize the answers, including the flow of the ABCD in the objective part. it was the real exam paper. and when people knew it, we all went a little cray cray. "this is my chance to score' i see those whom before were answering the objective section by taking chances from choosing the colour of the pen they picked randomly from their pencil case to memorizing the flow of the objective section like its some sort of the Holy Qur'an 's verses. But at the end of the day, when the results came out, most of us still failed, and it really took a blow to teacher B. and worst, 'kantoi' by the other teaching staffs and higher ups of her activity causing that teacher to lose the job. and after that there was no teacher to actually teach the science subject for real. only relief teachers and seniors took the job , on and off. which somehow kinda strucks me a little.

its my favorite subject but i could not learn properly because there are those who blame the system implied on them. and the teachers were victims of blame by the students who expected life would be easy. it was until the end of form 2 that we actually have a real teacher, who decided to took the spot where the gloomy rumors will haunt the teacher as if they are doomed to be teaching a subject that will fail the students and they will get the blame regardlessly. i admired her courage to stand up and try her very best to do what she had left of her time, a few weeks before final semester 2 exam.  and at this moment i realize, she wasnt trying to cheat her way through. and with all the efforts she is giving, why are we still gambling answers during exams instead of actually really trying to learn.

A few days before the exam we had a little feast and we had to cook our own meal. i still remember that time i was cooking ayam madu and she came to me.

' ali dh sarapan belum?'
'nanti ayam ni siap saya sarapan .'
' takpela ali. awak pergi makan dlu sarapan. budak budak lain semua dh makan makanan cikgu xxx bawak dkt kelas .tinggal kamu 3 org je tak makan lagi'
' takpela. sikit je lg ni'

and the teacher went away and came back a few minute later a bag of  hot choc donuts.

'ali makan la ni. bagi dkt kwn2 skali. share share la ye.'
' donut ni bukan mahal ke ? nnt saya bayar balek ye. terima kasih' i was eating it while making this statement. after finished eating, i took rm15 from my wallet to pay for the doughnuts.
'total donut td rm15 kn?? terima kasih, again' and what she replied was probably the life changing part of my life.

' tak payah la bayar rm15 ni. murah je. awk tau tak cmne nk bayar dgn harga yang lagi murah tp lagi senang. '
' mcmane tu?'
' awak belajar rajin2. awak score highest utk science final ni. kire lepas tu langsai la hutang kita'
' lagi senang ke cmtu? mcm byr rm15 lg senang je hahaha' i replied with a cynical laughter hoping that she was just joking.

'saya tau awak boleh ali. kalau awak usaha lebih sikit, sikit je. msti boleh. ape pn jadi, saya taknak duit rm15 '

from what i understand, she just wanted me to work harder, and working harder would benefit me from the success that would come, and also the waived rm15 ofcourse.  so i tried my best, and i saw her again during the 1st week of form 3 .

' result exam dh keluar ke? bole tak saya nk tgk kertas saya, nk tgk apa yg bole di improve sebelum pmr ni '
 she had to dig throughout the piled up papers to find mine.. and when she did find mine,

' tahniah ali. kan saya dh cakap . lagi sng dr byr rm15, '
from the inside i reacted with a statement ' eh dia ingat lagi janji dlu. dh brpe bulan kot'
and utterly from the outside i only managed to smile and thanked her with the simplest form, and nothing more. at that point was the time i realize, success is not for those born with the greatest talent that they may have, theoretically run in their family for generations. but  sheer hardwork plays a role also in order to succeed. and the more hard work, the higher the chances for you to get what you want.

and so lucky for me, is that this teacher's effort does not end there. although she didnt teach me during my pmr times, so often she would come and see me, and ask if i have any other problems that needed problems. although most of the time the she did not provide a direct solution to the problem, she constantly reminds me that one of the solution is to keep try harder. and sometimes a reminder is all you need to be better. and all this theory is well approved after a significant change in the academic results were achieved.

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and here hopefully reminiscing what happened before could inspire me to be better at the time i need it most. a year left in clinical years. and i definitely need to do more than i am doing now, more than what i did before. life is not going to get any easier , and for that its crucial for, me especially, to keep motivated.

EITHER THE FEAR OF FAILURE OR FAILURE WILL MOTIVATE YOU. ITS YOUR CHOICE TO CHOOSE