the foot note on my 30th birthday

 Assalamualaikum 

dear self, 

thank you for still spending the little time you have to keep this place alive after 16 years writing. though constantly you have always been in the midst of a new and a more profound responsibility.

dear Umi, 

thank you for still being here, probably my one and only avid reader. sorry for the lack of content in the last few years. its been hard to keep track what the heart and mind wants to write. too many things happens, so little time to react and to translate the true conjugation of the true perspective

and dear you ,

i hope by being here, you could be here with me on this wonderful time for a wonderful post. thank you in advance, and may Allah bless you all :)

*****

Ever since the global Covid pandemic started back in 2020, we were all hit hard and were forced to adapt in every aspect of our lives. from the smallest aspect of compulsory outdoor mask application and the everlasting Mysejahtera scans everywhere, to the awkwardness of  having strangers standing so close to us for no legit reason. im pretty sure that everyone has their own version of adaptation story. the ups, and mostly the downs that makes us realize that change is inevitable.

As for me, life's priority hierarchy was easy.it has always been family first, then realise that work is just work. and unfortunately, as 'peaceful' as Malaysia could be, the never ending drama of doctors are just a massive blackhole with no end. who to blame for newer generations of doctors, you're labelled as ' contract workers' with the same responsibility, more to lose, and lesser earning and career options.

PKRC MAEPS 2.0

and being the government, finding us contract doctors as exploitable and disposable, instead of pushing us to advance like any other doctors, they decided to keep us as the main frontliners to deal with the covid pandemic. hundreds of doctors were placed to take care of covid patients, more than 90% of them are contract doctors. if it was 5 years ago, a year of proper training makes a doctor more competent as you are facing with the all the variety of challenges. but everyday covid experience is no difference than being a factory operator, you are doing the same thing over and over again.

We have a short life, a very short life. With a lot of things that needs to be done. life doesnt pause as we wait for covid to go away.  Of course, politics are always the number 1 concern in any governing country. they are promising us things will get better when covid ends. but as we see, its not getting any better. and we are still questioning the same thing as we did since 3-4 years ago; will our rights finally be given? will the exploitation ever be banned ? 

This, and so many things regarding work has been bothering not only just me, but also my colleagues. btu at the end of the day, we have mouths to feed, a job to do, and an oath to fulfil. the ultimate oath that enforces us to do good to people that doesn't respect you, that thinks doctors are hoax and online content are a more suitable option.  we've become so low till the point that at the end of the day, we just hoped that we could get the job done, and dont harm anyone along the way.

Its a cruel and messy world. Jobs and growing up can be tough. but i always believe that a man becomes great when they can oversee beyond what is actually confronted upon them. and as i said, a job is just a job. get it done and focus on what is more important; the people that were there during your downs. friends and family

so during this covid pandemic, i got married to the woman that recently became the mother of my first born son. pregnancy is a journey that every mother will start with. and being a doctor, all these things are no stranger and its part of the work.

How wrong was i thinking that things could be the same when things happened to my self. as reality struck you realise things are different, and the surreal emotional that you never felt before engulfs you. and then you realise, how hard it must have been for our parents to actually do it from the day we were born until now. 

as for me, (alhamdulillah) Allah made the journey simplified. and i could not have ever be more grateful for what has happened. maybe some other time ill post on what really happened? 

at 8pm, on 6th March 2022, my beautiful wife, Nurul Nadiera, gave birth to a beautiful boy. and i witnessed how my wife, who used to be a stranger during undergrad study, a colleague during housemanship, a loving wife, and now she is also a caring mother. seeing how gracefully she has taken care of our Son made me realise,

that no matter how much i love my son, a mother's love will always be more beautiful and unparalleled,

that no matter how hard life is, family will always mean more than work

that as your family is growing  , so does your parents

so dear wife, im not sure will you be reading this or not. i will love you always, and thank you for teaching me so many things that i ralised i was wrong in  many ways. i dont have alot of women in my life, but im lucky enough to be surrounded by strong women such as you and our mother.

Dear Umi, thank you for everything, raising up 5 boys was never easy. but you did it, convincingly. i know you hide away your frustrations and tears so we dont see it. thank you for being the role mode, the ultimate mother that will always be beyond comparison

And finally, to my dear Son. Adam bin Ali Husaini. i hope one day you get to read this. i honestly thought you would be born earlier ( maybe on the same date as i was born). and ever since you were in your mother's womb, my prayers was for you to grow strong, healthy and will grow into a finer man than me. FYI, on the day you were born, you nearly scared me and your mother. but seeing you as how you are, despite all the drama of the day, i could not have wished for a better day. you are the best birthday gift that i could have asked for. everything was perfect. and, Indeed, we plan, and Allah plan, and He is definitely the best planner.

Its a cruel and a messy world. but surely your mother, and me, will love you more than we love ourselves, and strive beyond. so grow well, physically, emotionally, mentally, and most importantly, spiritually. have no fear. you are so loved by so many.