once and for all, and once in a life time,

Finally, finished housemaship with orthopaedic posting. it was a mixed feeling. that self relieve for finishing something that seemed like an endless journey before, suddenly ends abruptly. suddenly you feel unprepared, but if theres one lesson you could take from the past 2 years , its that life goes on, and by hook by crook, we learn to adapt. little did i know, the lesson in life goes beyond what i expected, as always.

You can start being a doctor for a numerous number of times. take a break, quit if you wish, and take a fresh start. but you can only finish housemanship once. and surely everyone has a tale to tell, but not everyone possibly has a take home message. and surely, finishing housemanship during this pandemic mayhem, is a burden to be carried till God knows when. on the side note, finishing houseman ship in non elective posting, i was still able to mingle around with different people from different postings. some are freshies, some are seniors by duration in the posting, and some are just getting used to work as housemanshipregardless of the number of posting they are. and this opens the eye to the different types of houseman and see how time has molded a person to what they are.

generally speaking, as a first poster, instead of learning to what the posting has to offer, you are getting use to the nature of working after a veeeery long period of 'holiday'. the brain is recalling back all the lost memories of undergrad studies, but instead of recalling and trying to apply it to the practice during work, you are too busy adjusting to the system, and knowing what is right and what is wrong. apparently, knowing how to work as a houseman is prioritized rather than knowing the facts of a disease and management. someway along the way, youd realise you could get the hang of it, some stumble and say its too much and succumb the pain of not knowing how to work is too much and throws the towel.

(surgical suturing workshop)

and after finishing the first posting, we have that first sigh of relieve and somewhere inside us, we are able to say to ourselves, life wasnt that bad. and surviving is bearable. without knowing, the ego rises. some thinks that passing a small portion of housemanship entitles them to the seniority and unfortunately, their ego rises beyond their seniority, and knowledge. and from afar, these kind of people will always seem to amuse you. their pompous personality of downgrading people lower than them makes it more obvious. and what they say has a greater magnitude than the amount of work they accomplished. ofcourse, to some of us, its just another phase of life, you lay low, stay humble and learn as much as you can. after that you go on with the next posting, and keep on learning, ( and earning. lol)

and after the 2nd posting, we start to realise, rather than being a good houseman who knows what and when to do the job, the essence of working as a doctor slowly sips through the thick skull. we realise that, caring for the patient is actually a part of the job, and hence we incoperate the responsible as a doctor together with the responsible as a houseman. and along the way, the realisation of the nature of the work starts to become more clearer. and as the subsequent posting passes, the fatigue and soreness becomes a vicious cycle and we desperately wish that the cycle could just end so we could move on to the next phase of life; MO-ship. becoming a legit, independent doctor. so you start to think for that goal. how to think like one of them, and how to work like one of them. and as time goes by, you reach to that point. with a pat on the back, and a smile on the face, we congratulate ourselves on the last day of housemanship, ' congratulations for making it through ' and the nostalgic feeling of finishing SPM during high school rushes in back in you.

( the reunion with the lovely seniors during a friend's wedding )

personally??
as i said, wishing to end the housemanship with a bang,  everyone has their own story to tell,  especially being the first batch of finishing housemanship during this COVID season.

we all hope to finish housemanship in an elective posting ( postings with only seniors, and batchmates in the posting, ) and my preferred choice would be emergency department. but you cant always get what you want right? so there i was, in the orthopedic department. being a senior poster, so called impending legit medical officer, with 20 bunch of us.

normally, each posting will require at least 4 months of duration to complete, at least. but being a 6th poster, the last posting before becoming a medical officer, there is more pressure during working. as boss's expectation is for us to know how to work as a medical officer, and every petty mistakes will be considered unacceptable. i guess i dont mind that, as there is a room for improvement in every mistake made. and then there are those who became houseman after my time. and these people are probably aint that far in age, but experience wise, surely the newcomers have a lot to learn and catch up in comparison to us.




but hey, the sin of those who doesnt know is forgivable. if the newcomers doesnt know, its the duty of those who knew to teach, or atleast to tell. some may not have the decency to have a common sense to see things thoroughly. and for that, a lot of teaching, a lot of patience and ego swallowing situations must be endured. at some point, you are being taken advantage of.  but hey, its not my loss for other people's future sub-par endurance. haha

back to the story, early of March, on the early exposure of the COVID 19 pandemic, all of a sudden a patient was found to be positive in the least likely ward. and as per protocol, anyone in contact with the patient was forced into quarantine. including half of the medical officers and a number of housemans. it almost crippled the department's oncall system. and the solution for that problem was to absorb a few of the 6th posters as functioning medical officers.

there i was in the clinic doing the elective OT list for the next day, all of a sudden the following day, me and a few friends were already needed to function as a medical officer with 3 months training only, incomplete logbook, and unsettled assessments as a houseman (being a last minute man, i planned to study on the last month and get everything done by that time) and suddenly this happened. i wasnt quite sure how to respond to this calling. then i realise,

' YOU. DONT, HAVE, A, CHOICE'

i guess its just like any other hurdle you face before as houseman. realising that the only way to get things done is through, you take a deep breath and get it done. all of a sudden you are seeing cases in clinics instead of clercking them, coming for ward rounds instead of doing the morning reviews, and the scariest part was recieving emergency department's referrals for orthopaedic cases. No tagging period, no heads up. the responsible was different as you are now responsible for your own actions, and apparently your subordinate's action. a patient's management is under you, and making sure housemans dont screw that part is also on you.

non of us was ready for that sudden transition. bosses and former houseman colleagues are expecting us to know and function as if we have been doing all these level of job for a long time despite it being 1st day of working. and all of a sudden, the phrase ' life after housemanship gets better ' doesnt sound as assuring as it was. and all of a sudden the memories of the past came into thought

( Back to back champion of the annual surgical futsal cup. 

Last year won with peads, this time with ortho : )

a fond memory of my biology lecturer during foundation study of whom i couldnt really remember the name, but i can surely remember her habit. everytime before she starts her lecture, she will ask us;

' dalam kalangan kamu ni, siapa yang lepas ni nak jadi dokter?'

and quite a handful of people raised their hand, including me.

and soon she'll be telling the things that is not probably 'recommended'

' awak semua yang angkat tangan ni, tak payah la nak jadi dokter. awak penah ke tanya diri sendiri kenapa awak nak sgt jadi dokter? sebab parent? atau sebab memang awak nak? masa awak kebanyakannya untuk orang lain bukan untuk awak. keluarga awak lagi la.'

( foundation in science PI 060 2011/2012)

and this was her routine every-single-time before starting her lectures. and imagine having to listen to this 2-3 times a week for 2 semesters. surely those words got into some of our heads. and day by day, the number of hands raised get smaller and smaller. to a point its countable with the number of fingers. and among those that remained raising the hand persistently was me. probably that made me one of those people whom she remembers ( despite my grade in biology wasnt my best subject. haha) .

but hey, its just her opinion. and im not going to let anyone's opinion to become a fact just because most of the people agrees. if she could stand on her opinion, then i should also be entitled to my opinion as long as it makes me a better person. and surely along the way throughout the years , the frequency of this memory being recalled has been increasing. and at times, the thoughts of agreeing with her comes and goes. but it occured to me.

just because she was right, it doesnt makes me wrong. and that was then, and this is now. as humans we learn to adapt and move on. as easy as these words slips through my fingers and mouth, going through it surely is harder. but things get better when you get to choose on what really matters and what is not.

In the medical field, it is always a life long journey of learning from books, papers, and most importantly, what you go through day by day. and im thankful enough to know that i finished my housemanship with a group of people who are still eager to learn and help each other in time of needs and the latter. probably having each other is the main reason that eases the day, sparks the little joy that is enough to keep the day going and start again on the next day.

but the sad part is probably knowing the day that we have to go our separate ways in just around the corner. and again, the cycle to start anew is inevitable. and before that time arrives, probably the best way to deal with life is to just embrace every ups and downs. ending housemanship deosnt mean that you stop working or learning, it just made working and learning more crucial and life saving. and in addition to that. you are added with a task to nurture each other, and those who are in need.

So, does life really gets easier after housemanship?

 Unfortunately no, life wont get easier. but fortunately, it gives you more reason to go beyond.
have faith, with God, and His plans, always. have a blessed Ramadhan and take care everyone :)

(the last monthly department birthday celebration 

before the covid pandemic prohibits any mass gathering)