introduction 2.0 :)

time flies, though its impossible to pause it, nevertheless, i never stop hoping that it would. up until now,

today should be the day that arwah sudirman passed away, 20 years ago,.and yeah, there's a tale behind the eve of that night when he passed away. Well, nothing fancy. Just a strong woman being delayed of giving a birth to a child.

it was somewhat near midnight. her water broke. As she tried to get to the hospital at Klang, Her husband said to her

" nak pegi bank sekejap. amek duet. kang pg hospital takde duet susah"

and She was obviously forcing her head to nod and agree with her husband's action. and at the hospital. she was not attended by any nurse or doctor. trying to give birth on her own, everyone around her was talking about arwah Sudirman..

"Ya Allah kesian nye die ni. "

"mude mude lg die dah meninggal. "

"Malaysia da hilang seorang seniman.."

bla bla bla~

and she was like

" haish. aku ni dah nak beranak nak mati jugak rasa korg dok pike org yg dh mati tu kenapa??!!"

and yeah. there. almost 20 hours later. a boy was given. named after a famous islamic doctor.the Father of the medicine. :)

so, with time, comes age. with age, comes wisdom?? haha~ i wish. but say all you want. to me age is just about the number. but every year this time arrives, i always want to start it with something new, and something that would make me a better person for the years to come.

and so , i would like to hold my hands together to just ask for a simple wish on this day. it shouldnt be too hard, but occasions such as this day should make it easy even if it hard. heehee.

i would like to seek apology to everyone whom i've known for this, 20 years i lived. That would be the greatest present you could ever give to me. and only Allah could repay you for such kindness. thank you everyone :)

pernah tak?

kadang kadang dalam hidup, kita diuji dengan macam macam, tapi dalam hati kita rasa macam ada sesuatu yg tak kena. walaupun orang semua cakap, *biaselah dugaan hidup, tuhan sayang kau weh*

senang berkata di mulut, susah diterima hati. sebab kita tahu seakan akan ada seuatu yang tidak kena.

something is really wrong with something with me.

i just hope im wrong,

seriously.

life frustration

look what the system did to me?

this is not who i was. i was better before

way better

trying to improve from that point.

to become one of the best perhaps.

but in the process

i followed the path of trusting someone .

telling the personal part of my problem,

so i could one day be just like all of them,

that are respected in the society,

and loved by the angels of heavens.

but you turn against me,

supposedly ,

if i follow the rule,

my problems areto be solved,

not being talked of it,

not making fun of it.

i guess the system was'nt wrong.

but the system trusted the wrong person

and for that reason,i cannot go back to how i was before,

this is something big, that could affect my whole life,

and it had,

and you shall be blamed.

life was fun, and more meaningful before that,

that moment when you screwed it.

takpe,korg mesti takphm, tp kt luar sana ada yg faham, srry korg terpakse bace.

dah lebih seminggu. tapi takpe.aku nk tulis jugak

although it may seem waaaaaay to long to say this. but just to let you know. that it is not that i forgotted . but rather its just a way of obeying your order. you once said that if it was ever your birthday, never to wish it. and the sole reason that you believed in will always be in my mind. remembered,

"buat apa kamu wish?? xkn la harini je kamu nk igt org tu?"

yeah.this goes for mother's day as well. a lesson i learnt from this statement is that we should always appreciate other person,and never take them for granted. dont just remember a person when it's their birthday. but cherish them through your life :)

but of course, you never expect kids to understand this. they seem to enjoy doing this. so let em do what they want, and of course. if birthdays do make a person happier. why not? but the person im talking here is someone,i just HAVE to wish. although you may not like it, just to let you know i did not forget even though i didnt say it out loud to you. ofcourse. spending time with you now is like almost impossible. and yeah. you like to read my blog right?:)

so,happy 46'th birthday umi, on last teusday* that is,, you are one strong woman i have to say.enduring what all the thick in life so far, is not what every woman might able to handle. please. all i want to see is you being happy, so just dont go yet.i still got a long way to go.and i need you to be there for me. and most importantly, to be there to see me succeed in life. theres just so much i need to show to you, to prove to you, to make up for the loss i've made in my past. so just stay okay? ill promise to take you back to aberystwyth , london as how you always wanted. who knows we can maybe live in that old pen house again ??:)

with love, your son . thank you for always being there for me. for being my everything.

lets be clear

write to express, not impress.

this dusty place, i havent update this for quite sometime. not that i wanna say my life is getting a little dull with no story to tell. well if you go blogwalking to other blogs, youll see how vast post after posts keeps coming on the top. unlike mine that is. but just so that you'd know, this is not like any other typical blog you see. in which, like a diary, everything is written to keep note of everything we did. (please rephrase me if im wrong)

but ef waii aii. here in my blog i dont seem to do the same. whats the point of being the same with everyone? typical is just not gonna be me. ill write on occasion that when it happens, it usually brings about a question in my mind, raising a thought, that will make myself a better person. think outside the box. and you will understand what im saying :)

but just because i dont post, doesnt mean my life is a lowlife no greatness in it type. but sometimes, either im too busy, or just it is best to be kept for myself, afterall, some opinions are best not to be shared, :D and yeah. the 1st rule for me in writing is stated in the 1st sentence :D

happy new years guys ;)

last friday night

25hb,november, 2011.

i was going down to class . wasnt late . but delayed, farhan gave me a Tshirt from mumbai at the stairs with nai and ama that time. THANKS :) but down the stairs, met arif .

*weh aku arini tak pg kelas kot*

*apesal?*

*kwn aku meninggal smlm*

*(innalillah). kenapa?*

*die kne denggi. budak puncak alam jugak tu.*

*hish, ni budak kelas kau dah tau blm??*

*dah. tau tak jln dri sini nik pg semenyih cane? tp dr shah alam la. aku pg shah alam dulu*

*and i told the directions to him, *

and he left to his house to prepare himself to go to her house. and it also left me with a thought. something to think of.

in my thought, typically, that girl who passed away, was never prepared to go , yet. and ofcourse the lat moths she was laying a smile and laughter never less than any one else among us

but Allah said that it is her time, and she must go. And this got me thinking. its just a matter of time. before anyone's time is up, it could be anyone, it could be us.

as the night falls, i recieved a text message from zawin.

* weh aku dga cte sir param meninggal kt ijn. kau tau tak ali?*

*tak pulak. bile?*

* tak tau. aku pn dpt tau dr kan aku punye cikgu akaun.*

* owh, sorry to hear. thx for the info*

then i called my friends just to tell them this news. and most of them wouldnt believe. and the 1st thing they would ask is,,

* die da masok islam belum??*

well, theres a story behind all this..

well, basically, this sir param is my chemistry teacher for my tution at mas institute . a great one though. he was the one who made me realize that chemistry wasnt that bad, and spm wasnt that bad.

moreover(cewah mcm karangan pulak. haha) although he seems quite old. but he was a rich and healthy person who likes to climb mountains. but what really made his students see him as a great person was

that the ability for him to understand islam.

it was ramdhan last year if i was not mistaken. he was teaching chemistry at an evening class instead of the night class. but as expected evening class would tire the peoples easily, its also an after school

ssession as well, so what more can you expect? but at the end of the class. he started to give a minor speach

*ok, thats all for today. selamat berbuka semua. saya tahu kamu semua letih, tapi sedarlah. syaitan ni takkan berhenti mengajak kamu pergi neraka. buat benda baik ni memang la susah.

benda nak dapat pahale la katekan.*

sorry i couldnt remember from a to z of the speech. but what i do remember is that after the speech , everyone was speecheless. and then he continued.

* saya bukan taknak masok islam, tapi kalau saya masok tapi buat dosa,. nnt dah nak mati saya masok la islam, boleh kan . ALI?*

he asked me a question that simple, yet i cannot answer, i was still wondering, is this man for real?? i hope he is. im thinkin everyone else there would think the same

as me. but i guess ill never know the answer right?? anyway.i hope you may rest in peace sir, love, your students of mas.

ALFATIHAH.....

the silent treatment.

(lazy-ass boardslide -,-)

when you do something.you may fail or you may fly,

family, friends and foods, they never fail to be the main source of solving any problems you face i n life. but at certain times, despite knowing that complaining wont change a thing, sometimes complaining is just another way to just let loose of the problem, although wise people would think twice of doing so. because in the end, the main problem is still not solved.

i guess im not among the wisest when it comes to solving problems. i just dont do the talks so much, dont wanna be a burden to others :) besides, im never good with words anyway. heeeh. it seems that when ever im in an effed up situation, i tend to find a solution that doesnt actually solves the problem. but rather stalls my mind from making that problem a fuzz in the head.

and yeah, you may guess it right. when others complain or anything. i tend to go outside the house and take the board , with barefooted or half shredded shoes doesnt matter. and just pop or flick the board. it kinda makes me forget about everything else. although its actually quite sucky to have a hobby that is costy and it sheds your blood. and in my current situation, picking up where i left it 3 months ago is not an easy thing. especially my reflexes. my spontaneous body responses are different from usual, my mind is still sending signals as if im still handicapped. pfft. what am i bablin here~

recovery is a process* i know . a sad fact i need to accept. even after one year of skating, im still at a gay level. kalau la tak crack tgn back then. T.T needs more time, i need more time. huhu. but hey, this is my way of solving my issues. the silent treatment. never failed me. yet :) hehe. although i suck in it. but one lesson you should learn in life is that

* you may fail or you may fly, but what really matter is that you try * :)

(frontside crooked?=)

p/s: HEY YOU! thanks for spending some time to read my scribbles :) youre awesome!