so many things happened,
so many things to tell,
and apparently, so many asks,
Hows work?
i tried to simplify everything into a smile and reply
" it's work, what more can i say? "
and this, is what i was trying to simplify,
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i started the life of working from the life of anyone who finished studying. the thirst for adventure, the needs for financial stability, and also the absolute needs for the time to embrace laziness and everything that surrounds us. sounds abit here and there right? wait for it.
working starts with having myself being put in an ocean of crowd of strangers. and having only knowing 2 3 people, i guess it wasnt that bad. whats life without a little adventure right? And there goes a full week of briefings. nothing much to be said. it was just lik eclass, you go just for the attendence, hopefully to fill in the knowledge back in your room, back with your books.
the real deal starts when each one of us starting being posted to the respected departments. and i guess that is where all hell lets loose. but i always reminded myself, dont worry, this is just like during studying times. you just needed to get through it one day at a time. regardless of how you perform, in the end, its during the examination that you need to focus. i was partially right, and most of it was wrong.
i got posted into the paediatrics department. As part of the department's requirements, all taggers ( new comers ) must not have any oncalls for the 1st 2 weeks and must stay in the ward from 630 am to 10pm. adjusting to that took awhile. waking up knowing that you have to go to work, and unable to do what we want. i guess most working adults feel the same right? coming to work not knowing anything is a struggle all new comers have to face i guess. 2 main things that made the day a struggle. 1. your lack of knowledge that have not been used for a while. 2. the constant struggle of knowing how to work in a new setting, whats the norm, the do's and dont.
For starters, i was never the brightest to begin with. As a slow learner, i learnt most of the thing after getting it wrong at the first attempt. And since there was alot to learn in one shot, things can get really messed up. This is where you get scolded for doing inappropriate things, slowing other people’s job, and making yourself a total fool infront of other people. Im pretty sure my friends must of felt the same thing as well. And for me, this was the one thing that hindered me from being a functioning person in the ward. It took awhile for me to figure out things. And things like this can be depressing sometime. Waking up knowing you have to go to work early because you are slow and need to be early in the ward to ensure you complete your job on time before the bosses arrive. and that constant need to be extra careful. because doing your job wrong, is worst than not doing your job. because when you screw up, youre gonna make other people's work disturbed too.
but at the end, it was all, manageable, and when i think about it. theres 2 main reasons.
1. Yourself.
when you go into doing something that is very difficult to adjust, how you approach it , with what kind of mindset, and with what principle you hold, plays a big role in adjusting.
at first, i thought of approaching things as if you were a student. do things at your own capacity, and if you cant do it, usually you will drop it off, and your lecturer will tell you what to do, and perhaps hold your hand and do it for you. such childish mindse y that backlashed me hard, and probably my colleagues ( sorry for this ). so i had to remind myself ' youre actually working, this is not med school where your goal is exam papers, and end of semesters. you should stuck that into your mind and start working and know that everything you do are actually not affecting any exam, and theres no end of semester, and always, a life on the line. ' basically, its 'work'. 'just do your job' is the common phrase we all hear. suck it up, and grow up.
the mindset that was needed for this kind of job is either you prep fully, or just go on with it. everyday you go to work knowing you'll do mistake, and get bombarded for that ( sometime its for the best of the patient, sometimes its just related to the human emotions rather than the patient themselves. LOL) emotionally disturbing as whatever you do seems so wrong all the time, and everything seems futile regardless of whatever you do. theres always more work to do, theres always more things to do,and theres always more lives on the line. things get hard when you wake up and say, ill make sure today i wont screw up anything and its gonna be a good day. but then you will screw up, and when things go straying from your expectation, depressions and adjustment disorder will start to kick in. But i think ever since med school, me and my friends had the other option to go.
ITS JUST ANOTHER DAY.... you just do your best, try not to hurt anyone, be safe to your colleagues, and patients. and know you will get scolded. but hey, the day will end, and when it ends, you start again tomorrow. and surely,. with all the downside that happens on the day, youll learn something new. its either how to be a better doctor, a better surbodinate, a better friend, and most of all, a better person. and im fine knowing that even though the day gets rough, that 1% small thing as simple as a 'thank you' from a mother (because its impossible to get a thankyou from a baby . hahaha) or a thought that ' hey, this baby is safe into his/her mothers hand now ' is enough. never set things too high, and be grateful with everything around you.
principle, is the one thing we should always stick to. we can never say which is right and which is not. but always. be safe, to the patients first. and be helpful. sometimes people tend to do bad things to save themselves. but hey, its never wrong being nice right? then its not wrong to be nicer too i guess. just know the limit :)
2. the surroundings
first and foremost, the department itself. the doctors are nice enough to tolerate your stupidity. up to certain levels only ofcourse. and some of them are even willing to do your job when things get out of hand instead of cursing you for being inefficient. probably the kind of doctor you look upon and say ' hey, one day i wanna be a nice doctor like them too' they respect your knowledge and some may even consider your plan during the wardrounds more than themselves. This department is led by the famous paediatrician, Amar Singh. he was probably the reason why many doctors pursued this field. seeing him made many people realised, its not impossible to be nice. its not impossible to run a department with a chill environment. and surely its never impossible not to shout and having a good principle throughout your career. i admire his knowledge in the diverse religion aspect, and mostly on his effort of spending time with each houseman to ask if theres anything to be done to improve the department, or the hospitals. and throughout his speech, the most important thing that i can quote from my session with him was,
' theres 3 things you should know about God, God loves you, God have always loved you, and God will always love you. so dont worry. bad things, good things, all happens just to prove this 3 thing, provided you can see it through '
the other thing that i should be grateful of, is the colleagues. though theres some who just wanted to do their own stuff and get on with the day and move on to the next posting. others would spend time to support the newcomers like me. and i was in great need of it.
that is because, at most of the time in the posting, i was separated from my peers who came into the department alongside with me. we did started at the general ward together, but as time progresses, the flock went to the special care nursery ( the wards for baby ), they put me up to the clinic, and by the time i got posted to the same place as them, they were already working at a fast pace than me. as i was only catching up, we were all transferred to another place, they were all transferred to Peadiactric ICU (PICU), and i was sent to oncology, the place where we only have 2 housemans to cater for everything. after i finished my oncology, i thought i got a chance to go to them to catch up, but i was sent to Neonatal ICU (NICU). and as they were posted into the NICU, i was sent to PICU. so most of the time i was paired with seniors of the postings, or those who had been into other postings. and they teached me alot. thankyou everyone :)
to wrap things up, i actually enjoyed the posting. not because i like babies or kids, but rather the fact that the environment there was stimulating, and surely is admirable. eventhough the sleepless 30 hours oncall , most of the time ill go back with a smile knowing you delivered your job as intended. and ofcourse its tiring, but seeing other people who are as tired as you are, but still manage to get the job done, makes you realize, there is always room for improvement.
There were also outside the wards activity that i managed to participate in. i enjoyed joining the dinner performance, although it was a messy performance. and on the last day of my paediatric days, we, the underdogs, won the annual futsal tournament from what was seem to be impossible. and to top it all, a farewell gathering for Dr Khadijah for her retirement, that coincidentally happens to be on my last day. what more can i ask for a last day? :)
SO..
what did i learn?
i learned that its not about being good, its about being better,
its not about being nice, its about being nicer
i also see the struggle of the parents, mostly mothers, on how resilient they are in fighting for their child. ( Allah bless all mothers, especially you Umi. )
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| a phrase that captured my attention during the farewell :) |
surely is a great way to start. and i hope its enough to get me through all the other postings. to learn and to work, to survive and to prevail. i guess that is what work is all about right?
