flips and turns of another turn around :)

its that time of the year again. where we move on from the comfort zone of a posting, and enter the new one with all the jetlags and hiccups of a checkpoint. All the dramas, fun and fails, are moments that for me, will stick in my mind and hence summarizes my 4 month journey.

the usuals, for every new postings, it starts with the usual jetlags of entering the new environment that usually follows by a transient adjustment disorder. especially after coming back from a long break. i wasnt that adapted to the new environment of treating adults, but i guess it will eventually come naturally on how to get use to treating people, regardless of the age. and as always, for every journey,  theres always the ups and downs that will surely make you realise that life can really go the other way around, and alongside, make you think on how to learn, from the most messed up situations. to make it short, i guess its best to go around and about the highlights of the ups and downs of the 4 months period.






so lets start somewhere thats down beneath.



as we started our tagging period, we started 3 days late from a few of first posters, who came in with quite of number of HOs that sums up the total tagging HOs to a total of 37 of us. and specifically for offtag requirements: the need to deliver 10 babies and assist in 5 caesarean sections.  and for those who just started as 1st posting, they are required to continue doing all this for 1 month, and others, only 2 weeks, provided you complete the task within the duration given. if not, you'll need to stay at the labour room until 10pm until the day you actually complete the tasks.

Doesnt seem to be that hard for me, until i actually realize, i was actually in a tight spot. having to be stationed at the ward instead of the labour room during the tagging period, makes it abit hard to go and do the deliveries of the babies as we are only allowed to go after finishing ward tasks / or after office hours.

so a little bit of introduction to the setting. the labour room has 8 rooms to deliver babies. and 2 operation theatres, of which only 1 that functions after office hours. and as of the tagging period, we are supposed to be at the labour room from 5pm to 10pm, with a little break in between. so you can imagine that after 5pm, that place is flooded with at least 38 house officers to deliver babies in addition to a few ( alot ) of midwife students who needs to conduct deliveries as part of their assessments.

provided that youre lucky, you will get the room and the patient is yours. if youre not lucky, the rooms might be 'booked' by someone, or your pregnant mother might be ' stolen ' from other people. and at other times, you waited for sooooo long to wait for the mother to deliver, and the mother end up needed to go to the operational theatre to deliver by surgical method.

as for me. my own journey starts a bit late. since my previous posting was paediatrics, i was abit slow in knowing what to do for the mothers in the labour room, and my comfort zone was with the delivered babies instead. prepping adrenalines and UAC sets seemed easier than fighting for a spot for the deliveries.

it seems i have a soft spot for babies

For most of my deliveries i had to stay up to 3 am just to get a baby delivered and then go back to work at 6.30am. usually ill end up staying till 7am the next day, if im not working on that day. while some people skips their work to go and catch all these deliveries, i do believe that all these requirements will come to you when the time comes, without the necessary hassle and stupid fights among colleagues. haha. your work is still work, you get paid for it and the responsibility as a doctor is there. but as a houseman your responsibility is towards your supervisor, logbook and tasks given. at the end of the day your sensible judgement and common sense will show others your true nature as things can get depressing and desperate at times.

And as a fallout for my so called poor judgements, instead of staying in the hospital from 630am to 1030pm for 2 weeks, my tagging period extended for 1 month for the unlucky days of empty labour rooms throughout the nights. i cant really blame that. because i dont really prefer to fight and scramble upon the room like mad peoples. A tiring one month that almost ended up with tears once i finished tagging. hahaha

the good thing of this posting in comparison to other postings : postcall breakfast :)

But on the other side of the coin, is the same fact that i entered this posting with a lot of people, of whom are going through the same things as i am. in other words, all the 30++ people were in the same stressful times together. hence it didnt seem that hard once i knew other people were struggling with the same thing. while others favoured on completing all of this requirements over their 'office hour works', some believed in the principle that we are working to function at wherever that we are stationed at, let it be in the clinic, in the wards.

Its nice to know that these sensible people still exists. Not to mention, all of us seemed to have more time to spend after hours together in comparison to all of our previous posting. sleepovers during tagging periods just to ensure we wake up at 3am to go to the labour room before starting work. and the environment of the labour room where you can do your jobs with the environment filled with colleagues everywhere. hence more time to nag and brag about all of the problems we face each day during work. haha

when you realize you can actually do sports after hours.

in addition to that, i was lucky enough to know that the surrounding peoples are reliable peoples. those whom once i only knew from whispers around, to those whom previously i worked with before. they made the unforeseen circumstances abit more predictive as most of them are seniors from other posting. Kudos to the specific someone, who made things a lot better in the rough situation, (thankyou :), a helping hand indeed.

Of course there are alot of other things that happened in between that made the journey a rocky ride. especially all the dramas toward the end of the posting. i assume history was 'almost written' ?? . But at the end of the day, i realise that a single good thing that happened seems enough to overthrow all the bad things that has happened during the 4 months in the posting.

I always tell myself, bad things will happen, but its how you manage it and see the silver lining through it that will build you for the long run. especially when other people put you in a rough situation. The take home message is to always remember, what can you do to make the situation better. If you cant do it now, then endure it for now, and make sure later in life, when you're at a point with the authority and power to make things better, you do it, or atleast you dont repeat the same mistake.

And i hope, with all this, it will, make me a better person. especially in the times of a new year, i realise it has been more than 8 months since a mere potato started the journey of a doctor. Time flies ( as well as my weight ),  and you realise, there is always something more to learn, and more chances to teach others what you have learnt.

no matter how great a day was, or how depressing or terrible a day may be,
always remember,
life goes on :)

 a little getaway at the end :)

unplugged,

its been a few months along the road,
so many things happened,
so many things to tell,
and apparently, so many asks,

Hows work?

i tried to simplify everything into a smile and reply
" it's work, what more can i say? "

and this, is what i was trying to simplify,

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i started the life of working from the life of anyone who finished studying. the thirst for adventure, the needs for financial stability, and also the absolute needs for the time to embrace laziness and everything that surrounds us. sounds abit here and there right? wait for it.

working starts with having myself being put in an ocean of crowd of strangers. and having only knowing 2 3 people, i guess it wasnt that bad. whats life without a little adventure right? And there goes a full week of briefings. nothing much to be said. it was just lik eclass, you go just for the attendence, hopefully to fill in the knowledge back in your room, back with your books.

the real deal starts when each one of us starting being posted to the respected departments. and i guess that is where all hell lets loose. but i always reminded myself, dont worry, this is just like during studying times. you just needed to get through it one day at a time. regardless of how you perform, in the end, its during the examination that you need to focus. i was partially right, and most of it was wrong.

i got posted into the paediatrics department. As part of the department's requirements, all taggers ( new comers ) must not have any oncalls for the 1st 2 weeks and must stay in the ward from 630 am to 10pm. adjusting to that took awhile. waking up knowing that you have to go to work, and unable to do what we want. i guess most working adults feel the same right?  coming to work not knowing anything is a struggle all new comers have to face i guess. 2 main things that made the day a struggle. 1. your lack of knowledge that have not been used for a while. 2. the constant struggle of knowing how to work in a new setting, whats the norm, the do's and dont.

For starters, i was never the brightest to begin with. As a slow learner, i learnt most of the thing after getting it wrong at the first attempt. And since there was alot to learn in one shot, things can get really messed up. This is where you get scolded for doing inappropriate things, slowing other people’s job, and making yourself a total fool infront of other people. Im pretty sure my friends must of felt the same thing as well. And for me, this was the one thing that hindered me from being a functioning person in the ward. It took awhile for me to figure out things. And things like this can be depressing sometime. Waking up knowing you have to go to work early because you are slow and need to be early in the ward to ensure you complete your job on time before the bosses arrive. and that constant need to be extra careful. because doing your job wrong, is worst than not doing your job. because when you screw up, youre gonna make other people's work disturbed too.



but at the end, it was all, manageable, and when i think about it. theres 2 main reasons.

1. Yourself. 
when you go into doing something that is very difficult to adjust,  how you approach it , with what kind of mindset, and with what principle you hold, plays a big role in adjusting. 

at first, i thought of approaching things as if you were a student. do things at your own capacity, and if you cant do it, usually you will drop it off, and your lecturer will tell you what to do, and perhaps hold your hand and do it for you. such childish mindse y that backlashed me hard, and probably my colleagues ( sorry for this ). so i had to remind myself ' youre actually working, this is not med school where your goal is exam papers, and end of semesters. you should stuck that into your mind and start working and know that everything you do are actually not affecting any exam, and theres no end of semester, and always, a life on the line. ' basically, its 'work'. 'just do your job' is the common phrase we all hear. suck it up, and grow up. 

the mindset that was needed for this kind of job is either you prep fully, or just go on with it. everyday you go to work knowing you'll do mistake, and get bombarded for that ( sometime its for the best of the patient, sometimes its just related to the human emotions rather than the patient themselves. LOL) emotionally disturbing as whatever you do seems so wrong all the time, and everything seems futile regardless of whatever you do. theres always more work to do, theres always more things to do,and theres always more lives on the line. things get hard when you wake up and say, ill make sure today i wont screw up anything and its gonna be a good day. but then you will screw up, and when things go straying from your expectation, depressions and adjustment disorder will start to kick in. But i think ever since med school, me and my friends had the other option to go. 

ITS JUST ANOTHER DAY.... you just do your best, try not to hurt anyone, be safe to your colleagues, and patients. and know you will get scolded. but hey, the day will end, and when it ends, you start again tomorrow. and surely,. with all the downside that happens on the day, youll learn something new. its either how to be a better doctor, a better surbodinate, a better friend, and most of all, a better person. and im fine knowing that even though the day gets rough, that 1% small thing as simple as a 'thank you' from a mother (because its impossible to get a thankyou from a baby . hahaha)  or a thought that ' hey, this baby is safe into his/her mothers hand now ' is enough. never set things too high, and be grateful with everything around you.

principle, is the one thing we should always stick to. we can never say which is right and which is not. but always. be safe, to the patients first. and be helpful.  sometimes people tend to do bad things to save themselves. but hey, its never wrong being nice right? then its not wrong to be nicer too i guess. just know the limit :) 

2. the surroundings
first and foremost, the department itself. the doctors are nice enough to tolerate your stupidity. up to certain levels only ofcourse. and some of them are even willing to do your job when things get out of hand instead of cursing you for being inefficient. probably the kind of doctor you look upon and say ' hey, one day i wanna be a nice doctor like them too' they respect your knowledge and some may even consider your plan during the wardrounds more than themselves. This department is led by the famous paediatrician, Amar Singh. he was probably the reason why many doctors pursued this field. seeing him made many people realised, its not impossible to be nice. its not impossible to run a department with a chill environment. and surely its never impossible not to shout and having a good principle throughout your career. i admire his knowledge in the diverse religion aspect, and mostly on his effort of spending time with each houseman to ask if theres anything to be done to improve the department, or the hospitals. and throughout his speech, the most important thing that i can quote from my session with him was,

' theres 3 things you should know about God, God loves you, God have always loved you, and God will always love you. so dont worry. bad things, good things, all happens just to prove this 3 thing, provided you can see it through  ' 

the other thing that i should be grateful of, is the colleagues. though theres some who just wanted to do their own stuff and get on with the day and move on to the next posting. others would spend time to support the newcomers like me. and i was in great need of it.

that is because, at most of the time in the posting, i was separated from my peers who came into the department alongside with me. we did started at the general ward together, but as time progresses, the flock went to the special care nursery ( the wards for baby ), they put me up to the clinic, and by the time i got posted to the same place as them, they were already working at a fast pace than me. as i was only catching up, we were all transferred to another place, they were all transferred to Peadiactric ICU (PICU), and i was sent to oncology, the place where we only have 2 housemans to cater for everything. after i finished my oncology, i thought i got a chance to go to them to catch up, but i was sent to Neonatal ICU (NICU). and as they were posted into the NICU, i was sent to PICU. so most of the time i was paired with seniors of the postings, or those who had been into other postings. and they teached me alot. thankyou everyone :)

to wrap things up, i actually enjoyed the posting. not because i like babies or kids, but rather the fact that the environment there was stimulating, and surely is admirable. eventhough the sleepless 30 hours oncall , most of the time ill go back with a smile knowing you delivered your job as intended. and ofcourse its tiring, but seeing other people who are as tired as you are, but still manage to get the job done, makes you realize, there is always room for improvement. 

There were also outside the wards activity that i managed to participate in. i enjoyed joining the dinner performance, although it was a messy performance. and on the last day of my paediatric days, we, the underdogs, won the annual futsal tournament from what was seem to be impossible. and to top it all, a farewell gathering for Dr Khadijah for her retirement, that coincidentally happens to be on my last day. what more can i ask for a last day? :)

SO..

what did i learn?

i learned that its not about being good, its about being better,

its not about being nice, its about being nicer

i also see the struggle of the parents, mostly mothers, on how resilient they are in fighting for their child. ( Allah bless all mothers, especially you Umi. )

a phrase that captured my attention during the farewell :)

surely is a great way to start. and i hope its enough to get me through all the other postings. to learn and to work, to survive and to prevail. i guess that is what work is all about right? 

2018, still alive and kickin..

its been more than 10 years since i wrote my first post ,( including the previous blog, you can refer to my first post on this blog for further reference) Many of those who started out with me, possibly found other meaningful things to do and other commitment in life and decided to stop. Here i am still hanging on. I hope i dont stop writing. Despite the busy life we keep on having as we grow older, i kept a promise to myself that i would atleast write something on my birthday.

Birthdays; what seems like a loop in the circle of life,  but is actually just a path in any journey with a beginning, the complex journey in the middle, and a certain ending. a date is certainly a reminder for you to ask yourself, " what has changed from this year and the previous ones?? what have you done better than last year??" and thank God, i could really see the difference between last year's and this year's 23rd february.

last year's 23rd february was probably the typical year of what any undergraduate student would be busy doing; studying and hoping to do great during exams so we could move on to the next chapter of our life. so often, pushing into our subconscious that same thing over and over again. "you can do it" "just a little more" "5 years of struggle is hard enough, dont make it 6" and after all the dramas and with a little bit of sheer luck, passing the last exam was an emotional one. thoughts were racing in my head at that time,

"for 5 years i told my self, just a little more , and now i have to stop telling my self to push harder?"

"before i entered medical school i said that id need to renew my driving license after graduating, and so the time has come. hahah"

some of the many thoughts. and of course the right way is to keep moving forward, and how does one really moves forward after being stagnant with the same thing for 5 years? some may consider of moving on to the next chapters of their lives(congrats lads!), some go on the hunt for money (wise..) and others just wants to layback and enjoy the moments where the previous 5 years refrained us from doing. As for me? well i opted to go for what a great doctor / lecturer once told me; " Who you know, is better than What you know ". Hence here i am, wondering to the great beyond, of places where i've never been, and picking up things where i left off .

i never had the luxury of travelling pompously, but i guess God has a better plan for me. With some luck i got accepted to handle programs with regards to students from japan. Little do people know ever since i was a child, japan was one of the places i wanted to go, and the japanese people were among the people i wanted to talk to. since i was small Umi's brief experience in Japan made me so hooked up to that place and people. Ive been through the 1st batch in my last post, now i guess its time for me to talk about the second group of students, and the last one.

i have to thank the first group of students for giving the proper heads up and necessary information about what they are about to face, and how to go around things in Malaysia. for these reasons, im guessing it makes me myself a little less shy ( i was a shy person during the first group.. sincerely)

as of for the second batch, they appointed me as the leader to help around with the tasks of what i thought would be similar to the 1st batch. In comparison to the 1st batch that we manage to do many things with a carefree mood and environment, the second one was more rigid and 'well organized' as the management have seen the flaws from the prior batch and they corrected it all in order to make the program more focused on academic and less of a tour de malaysia. One of the flaws pointed out was that we were too close with the students. i laughed out knowing this fact and wondered myself, ' how could being nice to someone, making the person feel comfortable is something wrong ?'

nevertheless, many more cants and donts that made it a bit more difficult to do things. but with the helps of the friends and helpful trainers, we manage to get away with it. with a little downside of course, and that is when so many things were already arranged for you, you get a bit carried away, and hence less time for yourself  with them, non-academically. But i am grateful for the peoples that i knew this time. all of them :)

(Abe chan, and Mei chan, with hijabs :)

My buddies , Mei chan, Abe chan, brilliant students, both quite the contrary, to the fact that one is the very shy one and the other is the all rounder for being the best and one of the those who talks a lot, makes it easy for other people to get along with her. and a plus point for her for being the best female soccer player ive seen. haha. Moeka Abe despite being a shy person i was happy that she could still follow me around to many places that i took her to, and thanks to Mei for dragging her hehe. and at certain times, she will also bring along her roomate, Sonoka, being my first buddies i tend to spend more time with them rather than the second buddies. and so many more places that i promised to bring you to, but did not manage to do so as time was not on our side. gomennasai ....

(day one, Sonoka beside me was very shy at this time, as well as the birthday girl, Abe chan >.<)

(the last day, last buddy session)

Mei chan, despite of your age, i see a very mature person with a high level of curiosity and with this, you can go far and the only advice i think anyone can give to you is to just keep on doing what you do :) :)

( the last day before changing partners, and buddies. Mei seems happy, haha )

Abe chan, people say you are shy, i just think that you are just in your comfortable zone. Perhaps its not a bad thing to be 'shy' as long as it doesnt stop you from achieving your goals in life. And at a certain point, i think you are the kind of person who CAN do that and i respect you in able to do so.  Please finish the book that i gave to you. hehe :D

(during the first day we were given a task, to take a picture with something funny. And Shima Sensei was very funny and was so easy going just like the students )

Personally, i enjoy spending time with those who finds difficulty in adjusting to the surrounding.
some said to me

"ali, why should you do all this? this is not part of the job"
"ali, our part is finished, if they need anything they should work it out on their own"

 I can see why some actually disagree with what i do, but I cant help but felt the calling and urgency to go and do more than needed just to make sure other people's life and job gets easier. As long as it doesnt hurt anyone, and i have the time and energy to slot in a few extra things to do, i guess i have no reasons to say no. and in the end, i find pleasure and satisfaction knowing i made somebody's day better just by a few extra effort done. and it helps knowing that there are those who shares the same opinion with me. one of the reasons why i enjoyed this work of which on paper, seems so unpleasant and at times, tiring. On the other hand, i know that this attitude makes us vulnerable and easily taken advantage of. but yeah, ill keep this in mind and ensure my limits in the future. hehe

(with the 1st and 2nd pairing for buddies. Ayae is trying her best not to cry :)

Along the way, Miho and Ayae chan happen to be my second buddies of which i figured i would have the same amount of time to splurge with them, apparently not. the little 2 weeks of time was never enough right?? they have things to do, i have things to do, and slotting time in between was somewhat, bearable. but i hope i served my purpose. i really want to spend more time academically, knowing how hard it is to learn english. as a person who has been exposed to english since 6 years old and yet still having difficulty now, i seem to be able to understand the struggle they face as most japanese people learnt english at a later stage of studying.

(As everyone was busy taking pictures, i was doing something for the lecturers, but she insisted on taking a picture. thank you Miho chan :)

 i hope after this Miho chan will no longer be the class's sleeping beauty and will practice more english inside class and outside class. :D

(the few moments of a simple session. Ayae chan, followed by Miho chan)

As for everyone's (especially Haziq's. hehe) dearest, Ayae chan, at times i know you say that learning english is difficult. but for me, positive attitude is always the key to make things easier. So keep smiling as usual, and keep on learning. your malaysian buddies will surely be happy to assist you any time, accordingly. :))

then, theres the PBL group of people, Kotaro, Momoka, Mina, Koharu, Honoka, and also Miho. they need to do a short project with a presentation and we ( me, Haziq and Dzahirul) were assigned to assist them as necessary. but they were so independent and so good that they made as if we were not doing our job. along the way of your presentation I manage to look upon all of you and felt the feeling of proud of being the buddies in charge of all of you :)

(the PBL group that did superbly!)

and a few person whom i figured worth mentioning are the boys, whom are very excited with sports as i am.  and the person whom i can always count on to help me out with the students, Saito Yu, as funny and friendly person she is, she is also a strong girl knowing how independent she is since that her parents are actually living in Malaysia and she lives in Japan, alone. but now she is on an exchange student program in Philippines. All the best and have fun over there :D and my warmest thoughts to everyone else, whom i think made me smiled and satisfied with the job that i did. too many to mention, but you all know who you are right? :)

(This is a video of one of the dance they did during the last day. And Yosuke was crazy enough to try a woman's clothes, even the owner was suprised. :)

(Saito Yu has the same shirt as me. haha)

(A picture with everyone as soon as they finished their first class in Japan, and i just woke up at this time. T.T)

and not to be forgotten ofcourse, i cant help to feel the feeling of missing those who came during the 1st group of students. everything we do and everywhere we go became so sentimental as it reminds us of all of you,. i hope you are all fine and doing well in your english exams as well as your part time jobs hehe. Japanese people are amazing, seeing how commited and how nice a person can be, should straight things out that there are good people out there and maybe during your working times people may not be as good as you wished they would, maybe we should be strong and better for the good people elsewhere :) 

( Some of them knew each other and are actually close friends. i hope i can see them all again together in the nearest future)

This program is a good way to start my 2018 as it straights up my perspective on how people of different religion can somehow be better than yourself, as a human being. So hopefully after this, being a person with Islam, we can add up what is not in us, and be a better person and not being the blame for what Islam is not. Lessons in life like this is hard to learn from books, as well as from the typical Malaysian surrounding. And for this, I am very, very thankful for the opportunity for the epiphany that i could get. i hope to see you again, in Malaysia, and as well as in Japan. hopefully seeing everyone at their hometown can provide me with a better epiphany in the future. Im looking forward for it. Arigatou, nihon jin, as well as the malays

Ja ne ? :)

P/S; Of course, the next part is the part where i had the chance to visit UK. next post perhaps. Recently ive been told that my posts are too long to read. sorry ^^,  and thank you for reading till the end.